Another OFFSM
I had another “oh for fuck’s sake moment” today.
What, you may ask is an “oh for fuck’s sake moment”?
It is that glorious moment when I find another piece of “research” that is so fucking ridiculous that I check the date to see it it’s April yet.
Today’s doozy [to borrow a Mercanism] is research that shows that sitting down for too long doubles the risk of death.
Let’s just stop for a moment and think about this. Suppose you stand all day, what are your chances of death? Answer [for those of you who really shouldn’t be let out on your own] – 100%. Yes. Death is inevitable under all circumstances. Even if you give up smoking, you will die [Shock! Horror!]. It’s not a pleasant thought but it is a sad fact. So how do you double the chances of the inevitable? Does sitting make you die twice? That is is the only logical conclusion.
He claims that all this sitting around increases the risk of diabetes, heart attacks and strokes. I’m amazed that cancer doesn’t appear in there. The risk is as high as a 147% increase. Big fucking wow! Again, let’s put this in context. The odds of my winning the Lotto [if I was idiotic enough to do it] are 1 in 8,145,060. If I somehow increase the odds by 200%, maybe by buying a second line, my chances of winning are 1 in 4,072,530. Still pretty miserable fucking odds, but it shows how an apparently impressive “147% increase” is actually insignificant.
His solution is that we should stand all the time. We should place our computers on top of filing cabinets! Have you ever tried playing a piano or driving a car while standing up? I have and it’s not easy.
And talking of cars, apparently all this bilge started with a study of bus crews in London. The drivers were found to have more heart attacks than the conductors. The conclusion of the study was that it was the fact that the drivers were sitting, whereas the conductors were standing. It never occurred to them that it was the driver who had to cope with London traffic and the responsibility of a bus load of passengers, while the conductor merely had to collect fares?
Who pays these idiots? The twat who came up with this rubbish seems to be a reasonably intelligent person [judging by his qualifications] so why is he wasting is time on a study that is not only meaningless but cannot be applied to life anyway?
I can only have one reaction to this “startling revelation”…..
Oh for fuck’s sake!
So, let's get this straight, if I sleep standing up I'm going to live forever? Or is it only sitting down that I mustn't do?
I'm off to weed the veg' patch——oh but that means kneeling down!!!!
No, no, no, no. You have it all wrong. If you sleep standing up your chances of death are 100%. If you sleep lying down your chances of death are 200%. Simple.
Interestingly, he doesn't mention kneeling?
I think I have about he same reaction as you to this earth shattering news.
It's so startling you just have to sit down to digest it.
"Oh for fuck’s sake!"
Yup. That seems to be an appropriate reaction. It's a bit like (according to the Surgeon General) "Half of regular users of cigarettes will die."
So what about the other half? Assured immortality? Sounds like a worthwhile gamble to me. Win win. I get to enjoy my tobacco, and I have a 50% chance of living forever.
Oh for fuck's sake…
Once you start playing around with statistics, you can have great fun. You can prove almost anything. Just ask ASH!
There are lies, then there are damned lies and then statistics! Never a truer word said.
Where is he? where is the cunt who wrote that crap, GD? In the course of my career I spent most of my time fucking standing.
Apart from the varicose veins from, standing and fucking bad back, from standing, which pains me on a daily basis, I'm not too bad.
I will admit standing poses a challenge to gravity and being vertical. I used to be taller heh!
To be seated….oh! for fucking joy…If I'd had a quid for every time I wished for a chair, just a bog standard wooden one, splinters and all, I'd be a Millionaire. Would I have worried about Death…..Fuck no! Too many times I felt like Death from Standing.
To have been seated for all those years would have meant NO FUCKING PILLS like your seven day thing, GD.
I think Michael O'Leary would be a believer in the seated and death thing. Has'nt he been playing with the idea of standing all his passengers up on flights?
FFS is right
The cunt that wrote it is probably out touting for finance for a study to prove that standing increases your chance of death by 300%.
Qualifications don't make you intelligent, they only show you were educated!
They don't even show that. They show that you have the capacity to wangle the right answer for an exam.