Our weather people are screaming for attention again.

Give them a bit of wind, rain or snow and they go into a frenzy of coloured warnings and alerts to tell us that we are suffering from New Weather again.

There was a time when we had Old Weather. This was the time when we would put on heavy coats, take out the candles and greet each other with a cheery “Bit of a breeze today, Jack?”. It was something we lived with as a normal part of life.

But now we have New Weather. Suddenly we get alarming messages warning us that there was a danger to life and limb and that we must be scared. They even started giving storms names. I’m still not sure of the reasoning here. Is it meant to make a storm more cuddly and cozy because it has a name? Is it so we can in the future tell our Grandkids stories about Storm Henry, or Storm Matilda back when we were kids?

Tomorrow it’s Storm Isha which rather appropriately sounds like a sneeze. We have all sorts of warnings from yellow through orange to red. [God help us]. And all of these warnings have different times so we would have to keep referring to the list to see what colour we’re on at a particular moment in time. To confuse things, all the colours overlap so it’s possible [apparently] to be in three colours at once. Does this mean we have three types of weather to choose from?

I’m hoping that Joanna is doing the weather tonight on the television. She’s a cheery soul and usually makes me crack a smile. She’s a hell of a lot more watchable than the other miserable sods.

She’s the only reason I watch the weather forecast.