Welcome to our new neighbour
I had a unfortunate episode last night.
Herself and I were waiting for a programme to start but had to wait about fifteen minutes. As is normal at these times I switched to the channel concerned and turned the volume down. This was a ghastly mistake as I realised I had accidentally tuned into the Eurovision thing.
Now any sensible person would have kept the volume muted but like a moth drawn to the flame I felt a weird compulsion to turn up the sound a bit. Another mistake.
I had apparently arrived in the middle of a voting session where the results were being read out by two women [or I assume they were women. One never knows these days]. These two horrors were employing the technique that seems to be compulsory these days whenever a score has to be given – they announce “and the winner is” and then we have to wait for a couple of minutes for the next word. This abomination is ubiquitous these days and I’m just waiting for it to hit our courts as it inevitably will – the jury will announce ” we find the accused…. [two minutes silence]… guilty!” or whatever.
Anyways they finally [finally] got through the entire list and I realised to my horror we were to be treated to a snatch of each winning “song”. This was living proof that things can indeed get worse. The “songs” [which were awful] took a back seat to a display of lasers, pyrotechnics and choreography designed by a deranged chimpanzee on steroids. I swear I have had happier nightmares.
One thing struck me about the victorious troops – one of them was Australia. Yes, Australia is in the final of a European song contest. I honestly didn’t know Australia was in Europe and can only assume that they drifted around the planet after a particularly bad storm.
There is of course another explanation. Some poor secretary was banging out the invitations to compete when she [or he?] fell foul of that modern phenomenon which has frustrated us all – predictive text. The letter was written, addressed and posted and too late the error was discovered –
Predictive text had inserted Australia instead of Austria.
The odd Australia inclusion dates back to when Israel was allowed to participate, despite not being in Europe either, but no-one is allowed to criticise that or they’ll just play the ‘Holocaust Card’ again.
So to deflect that tricky question, they decided to include a country on the opposite side of the world – if anyone now wants to chirp about who’s geographically qualified to enter, all the fire is directed at the Aussies, not the Israelis. Smart eh?
But that doesn’t quite make sense. Russia was allowed to enter [and actually won in 2008] and I doubt they were part of Europe then?
Nah! I think Predictive Text is definitely the culprit here.
Some of Russia has always been in Europe, but not in the EU, but neither are Australia or Israel (yet).
I just feel so sorry that you had to suffer those few minutes of the dreadfully awful Yoyovision rubbish!
I assume that counselling is available and that you can apply for a grant to re-establish your common-sense nodes, re-form your eardrum receptors and become as near normal as any lovely Irish citizen deserves to be!
But what a cock-up! My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your family, your in-laws’ families, and also Mrs Caoimhe O’Flanagan, of 53, Sráid Uí Chonaill!
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and wishes. It was indeed an horrific attack on the nervous system and Herself has had to have an intravenous Valium drip inserted. I’m not too bad but am suffering from frequent flashbacks and am booked in to a PTSD clinic next week. They frequently stick up warnings in advance of a film or news item, but there was no warning whatsoever last night. I think I’ll sue…..
Daideo – deich bpointe!
í féin – deich bpointe…
You are lucky, at least I hope you were, to miss the Coronation Concert.
It was dire.
Out of the two programmes is there one, you cannot call them songs or tunes, thing you could hum, whistle, or la, la, la along to.
In twenty, forty, years time can you imagine one of these horrors being used in some advert? Maybe Bud Shite.
The Coronation Concert, and indeed the Coronation itself passed by unnoticed in The Manor. I saw snippets in the news after [impossible to miss] and yer man Charlie looked distinctly depressed.
In retrospect the only piece of the concert I might have shown an interest in was Lucy Illingworth – the blind autistic pianist. She is some kid!
Global Warming combined with Continental Drift maybe move Australia into Europe !
You forgot El Niño or whatever it’s called. That’s supposed to be extra strong [or weak] at the moment?
That explains why Morocco were in it some time in the 80s it should have been Monaco
So Predictive Text was around in the 80s? I suppose it’s possible.
I had hoped that after Brexit the UK would have been spared this… rubbish. Yet another misuse of the licence fee.
There is no escaping it. After all, it is there to unite us all in harmony and song. [Excuse me while I vomit..]
Chuckeling. Good post GD. I feel sorry for your ears.
It just says that it is a song FOR Europe, not a song FROM Europe. If people want to listen to this predictable bull, let them. It’s a good excuse to switch off.