The seasonal panic
It’s a weird time of year.
Everyone seems to be in a bit of a panic. The strange thing is that most don’t seem to be sure what they are panicking about. They are rushing around like Alice’s White Rabbit muttering to themselves “I’m not ready, I’m not ready”.
I blame television. We are inundated with advertisements all telling us about this “perfect day” whatever that is. Apparently to achieve this perfection we all have to buy new mobile phones, furniture and disgusting looking burgers, not to mention perfume, mouse traps and other tat. They show pictures of tables laden down with enough food to feed an army, always with the ubiquitous turkey and ham.
I like neither turkey nor ham. In fact most people I meet are agreed that turkey is not their favourite choice of fowl yet they all rush off and buy one. Apparently it’s traditional to eat something you dislike for several days to make your life perfect?
The worst thing about these advertisements is the inherent frenzy. Everything suddenly has to be bought before Christmas. The problem is that people get caught up in this frenzy and rush around with the feeling that they have to be buying something but they’re not sure what. Then there is the perennial question “Are you ready for Christmas”? Ready? I’m as ready as I am for every other day. My stock of edibles is at its usual level. In the unlikely event of running out of something on just one particular day is unlikely and anyway I can always find a shop that’s open.
I’m no Scrooge. I am in the mood for celebration as much as anyone. What I usually fail to mention is that my celebrations tend to revolve more around the Winter Solstice than Christmas. Granny is talking about inviting the neighbours to join us dancing naked around the lake tomorrow night. [I must adjust her medications again.]
It is indeed a glorious time of year.
But I’m taking it calmly.
Take care then, apparently it’s likely to be quite cold again by tomorrow night. (Please don’t include any photos in your follow-up report).
Don’t forget that for your celebratory meal and perfect day as depicted by the advertisments you need at least one person with obvious foreign skin colouration and a mixed race child. It is also imperative that you remain happy and cheerful at all times, whatever happens.
And yes, turkey is not our favourite either, we will have chicken.
I think dancing naked around the pond might not be on the cards. The grass is a bit long and wet. Maybe we’ll just sit indoors [naked]?
Yes, I forgot to mention the race lark. That is really weird. Where the fuck am I supposed to find a non-white at this time of year? And everyone always seems to be sober as well which is in direct conflict with happiness.
Roast beef here.
Happy Solstice/Christmas to you too.
Woodsy, the list is not complete without a gay couple and their adopted child. The child must also be orphaned and from some war-torn land.
Ham is on the menu here.
Are you sure it’s Alice’s White Rabbit that is your inspiration for the dancing and not Jefferson Airplane’s White Rabbit?
And didn’t Jefferson Airplane get their inspiration from Alice?
I think their encounter with Alice’s White Rabbit might have been mediated by the ingestion of certain substances, although it is probably defamatory to make such suggestions now!
Roast Pork and a corn fed chicken for the grown ups, a special vegetable lasagne for our vegetarian visitor. Add large amounts of wine. No panic.