Bloody hell!

It’s half two in the afternoon and it’s very hard to see my keyboard. It’s not supposed to get dark for another hour.

There is something very strange about my keyboard. I have been using it now for a couple of years but still have problems finding my way around. All the keys are where they’re supposed to be so the letters are reasonably easy, though I do tend to hit and M instead of an N and a P instead of an O. The problem lies with the other keys. Hitting Enter invariably results in a bracket or else the cursor heads off to somewhere strange. They all seem to be smaller that they should be, in particular the Enter key.

Having worked on keyboards for the last thirty [or is it forty?] years you would imagine that I would be a brilliant touch-typist? Nah. I’m still very much a two or three finger bloke though I’m fairly fast at it at this stage. However I still make a lot of mistakes to the most commonly used keys are the Delete and Backspace. But I always seem to miss them and end up with “=======” or something. It might look pretty but it’s fucking irritating.

It’s now three o’clock and the lights are on. I reduced the brightness on the screen so I can just about see the keys in the gloom.

You may wonder why it has taken half an hour to get this far? That because of some interruptions. Amongst other things I had to make tea and set up the laptop fur my good Missus.

One or two of you may have noticed that I haven’t mentioned Her Ladyship recently? That’s because of the court order preventing me from using the sobriquet “Herself”. Apparently she doesn’t like it so the term is now banned. According to the order, a breach will result in an automatic barring order which would mean I couldn’t go nearer than a hundred yards. That would mean I’d have to live in the old rotting garden shed at the far end of the South Wood. I don’t fancy that.

From now on I will refer to my Loving Better Half as “Granny”.

That’ll piss her off too.