I have little regard for the banking system here.
Once upon a time [are you sitting comfortably, children?] I could phone my local bank branch and have a simple query answered. But those days are long gone. Without exception, banks now rely on call-centres, automated phone systems and extremely clunky websites.
I have completed my move away from Ulster Bank and it really is a case of good fucking riddance.
The move wasn’t without a lot of stress, frustration and sheer anger at the system but I consider myself to be extremely lucky. I am lucky because I owed Ulster Bank nothing, have a lot of time to spare, have broadband and am reasonably computer literate. That is a clutch of circumstances which is very rare and if I had missed out on even one of those I would have been rightly in the shit.
The latest from Ulster is that anyone who has an overdraft or loan has six months to pay up, or else they’ll be at the mercy of some loan shark or vulture fund. Fuck! If I owed a few grand on an overdraft there is no way I could pay it off. Surely if I were able, then I wouldn’t have an overdraft in the first place?
What about the old folk Down West who have their pension paid into the bank? Switching the Social Services account would be an absolute nightmare for them. It wasn’t easy for me and involved a lot of legwork, red tape and phone calls not to mention delving into websites. So what about the Old Folk who have no broadband [and probably no Interwebs]? I doubt they would even realise what is involved. I sincerely hope they aren’t relying on Ulster or Social Services to do anything for them.
The bank I have moved to weren’t that hot either but they were the best I could find. Opening the accounts also led to a ton of red tape and once again I am at the mercy of their fucking phone system. Their one redeeming feature is Rebecca.
Rebecca works in my local branch and she phoned me a while back with a query about a file I had submitted previously [the bloke I had been dealing with fucked it up by only half scanning a document!]. She gave me her email address so I re-scanned the document and sent it off to her. I heard nothing back. A couple of days ago I sent her another email asking if my scan was okay and within minutes she had phoned me to say everything is fine and she’s dealing with the latest update herself. She is cheerful, apologetic and eager to help and said that I could mail her any time I had a query or problem. That is what I call service!
In the meantime, Ulster haven’t even bothered their arses to officially inform me they are closing.
Help me move? You must be fucking joking!
They’ll move her if they find her actually helping someone. Or close.
Sounds like if you owe these fokkers anything substantial a convenient one way tramp across the bogs or a paddle out to sea is in order.
Oh by the way, have you met my long lost twin brother, newly returned from Orstaaliah. G’die blue. Oi hear thet me lorng lost bruvver doid.
You have a twin brother? There’s two of you? Wow!
When we had a holiday place in France we opened a local bank account to pay the bills. It was amazing, local branches in most towns with real helpful people who sorted every question or problem on the spot, sitting down not standing at a counter shouting through glass. Even opening the account took just one visit – we called in to enquire and it was all done in under half an hour and the cheque book and debit card was ready in a few days and you got your own personal local account supervisor who you could contact by phone or email. It was like UK banking in the 1960s but with even better facilities. You could do it all on their website if you were out of town or in the UK but didn’t have to! I hope they are still as good.
I refuse to join Ulster Bank too.
I went into my bank yesterday and told them I needed something done. Straight away they were on to me “have you tried the machine” “I think you can do this online, through the machine”. I knew damn well I couldn’t as I had to go into the branch the previous time I did this as well. I explained this, they wouldn’t listen. I stood there finnicking with their stupid robot overlord machine they bought from NCR like a bloody eejit just to humor them. It didn’t work just as I had told them.
Then it was time for them to close and I had to go in again this morning, they had to it by hand just like I told them at the start. Why are these phuqqers so eager to get you to use the robot? Do they think that once they have the last person converted to using the machine for everything Mr. Bank owner has a sunlounger reserved for them in Barbados and they can spend the rest of their days sunning themselves beside him without having to work?
I had a very similar experience when opening my new account. I asked about a cheque book. “You can order one of those in the machine out in the lobby”. I guessed that if he had to order one it would have involved some actual physical work. He was a real wanker but has since [been] moved on to destinations unknown.