Between the rock and a hard place
I’m getting very tired of our ghost.
It has a new trick which is really pissing me off.
We have double doors that lead out onto the terrace. There is a bit of a difference in level so there are two steps down. Steps can be a bit of a bugger if you rely on wheeled transport as Herself does.
Being a person of immense intellect I came up with the idea of a ramp. The only problem is that the ramp would be too steep and would just dump Herself head first onto the lawn. I didn’t think she’d appreciate that so I came up with an even more ingenious idea. I bought a steel platform and a ramp. I put the platform outside the door at the level of the floor and then put the ramp at the side. So she wheels out onto the platform, does a sharp right hand turn and then down the ramp. It works perfectly.
The platform is made of steel and normally I dismantle it as Penny doesn’t like the smooth surface [nor do I] and I leave it all to one side. When the weather improves and Herself shows signs of wanderlust I reassemble it. We had a brief couple of hours of summer recently so the platform is in place. It is very noisy to walk on and rather awkward, but sacrifices and all that jazz…
Back to the ghost.
Lately it has been quite active. There is the odd footsteps and rustling of paper. Doors close for no reason. Just strange noises from the old part of the house. All stuff I am quite used to and ignore.
Last night I was sitting watching television with Herself. There was a really loud bang from the steel platform. I went to investigate and found a large stone on it. There was no reason or source for this stone. It had just dropped out of the sky [and was too big for a bird to have dropped]. No one could have thrown it without coming right into the estate and it would have bounced off anyway. This morning there are two more. Three stones where they shouldn’t be.
What’s really puzzling is that I don’t believe in ghosts.
Where was Penny when these phenomena occured?
Do you have an obese neighbour? They just lost three stone.
Any weirder and I am in Clanger land. With my Swanee Whistle
Penny was curled up at my feet as usual.
I refuse to comment on my neighbour. Do you think I’m daft?
I could come and abjure the spirit to depart hence (if I can find the right book of spells)
Would you not be scared of the ghost throwing rocks at you? You’re more than welcome to try though.
I was once asked to go to a stone circle and say prayers to keep some weirdos away!
I fear with my current bout of sneezing and coughing I might cause more harm to the living than the dead!
All suggestions I can come up with have already been offered and subsequently shot down. I can only say that I had nothing to do with it. I don’t even have a Passport. (Even then I’m not sure they would let me in.)