Yesterday was pill day.

This is the day where I lug out the large bags of pills and pop ’em into those little pill boxes, one for Herself and one for me. This is a tedious job but one that requires concentration. The right tablets and capsules have to go into the correct AM or PM slots and to compound the process, pills have a habit of shooting off onto the floor somewhere. This involves crawling around on hands an knees, usually with a torch. For the record, the best I have encountered was a pill that managed to travel over twenty feet before I found it,

I usually forget to do this task until the last thing on Friday evening when it comes to time for Herself’s meds. I have little reminders on my phone so when it starts trilling at me I reach for the pill boxes and if they are empty it’s a case of Fuck! – Pill Day.

As usual I forgot yesterday and as usual I cursed when the phone beeped. I set about filling the horrible little compartments,

I had finished Herself’s lot and was half way through doing mine when the pain started. It was sharp and across the front of my chest. Shit! Fuck! Bugger! I didn’t like the feel of it but I said nothing. Herself asked what was wrong but I said it was nothing as I was having visions of ambulances and hospitals and worse and I didn’t want her to hit the panic button.

It’s well over two years since my heart attack. And the thing about that attack is that it came out of nowhere. I wasn’t overweight; I wasn’t stressed; my blood pressure was normal; my cholesterol was fine; there were no warning signs whatsoever. It wasn’t hereditary either as I am not aware of any history of heart problems in the family. Anyways, whatever the reason I had had one and I had my stint [and my stent] in hospital and even attended the physiotherapy course afterwards. I then resumed my life exactly as before.

But the damage was done. It had planted that seed of doubt in my head. There was now the remote possibility that I could keel over any day – a possibility I had never considered before. The worst part was that I couldn’t have a twinge of pain without wondering if This Was It. Last night’s pain was one that worried me. Pre-attack it wouldn’t have bothered me at all but this one was different.

I sat back for a while. I told Herself I was just taking a break from the pills for a moment. Eventually the pain subsided and vanished without trace. I don’t know what it was. Possibly a touch of indigestion? Not enough alcohol? I’ll never know.

Damn that Seed of Doubt.