… is mutating here in Ireland.

We have developed a variant – The Headless Ostrich Syndrome.

Not so long ago our Wisest Masters warned us that there was a danger of a looming pandemic in the Unvaccinated. I confess this confused me as the entire pandemic started nearly two years ago amongst the Unvaccinated, as there wasn’t vaccine around at the time. I let that one pass.

Then they decided that the restrictions would all be lifted on October the 22nd – which happens to be today. The country rejoiced [except for those who had been brainwashed into the idea that contact with any stranger was instant death].

Unfortunately for them, case numbers started to rise again a couple of weeks ago. There was panic amongst our Wisest Masters. What could be causing this?

Naturally the first thing they did was to hold a meeting. When in doubt, hold a meeting. That meeting produced nothing so they held more meetings. No one could work out what was happening. They had been bragging about being world leaders with 90% of the population vaccinated but the figures were still rising. What the fuck was going on?

They assured us that it couldn’t be the fact that schools had returned a while back as they had sanctioned that as kids can’t spread the Virus [for some strange reason].

Maybe it was because the Delta had arrived when it did? Even they weren’t sure if this was a factor, but when in doubt, blame Delta.

Maybe it was because people were mingling indoors due to the cold weather in autumn [overlooking the fact that it has been unseasonably warm up until today]?

They decided that people just weren’t wearing their masks hard enough or were moving closer that two metres or something. Whatever it was, it was the Plebs who were doing it and it was our fault not theirs.

They also announced that just because everyone was vaccinated they shouldn’t assume they were safe and to act as if they weren’t vaccinated. So much for the vaccine?

But then they panicked. They decided that they couldn’t relax all the rules on the 22nd, as promised. They said they would provide a new set of rules. But they couldn’t decide what those revised rules were so they held more meetings [probably hoping the Virus would vanish in the meantime].

They finally decided on those rules. I think.

Anyone can go to a wedding. Football matches are grand. You can party at a funeral. Night time discos are grand [though they’re not sure if social distancing will be observed there], and everyone must wear a mask except when eating, drinking or dancing. Stand up events indoors are fine if there are only 1,500 standing [the rest must be seated]. Pubs are allowed open after half eleven but for some inexplicable reason no one is allowed sit at the bar. And of course everyone has to produce their Certificates! 10,000 turn up for a match and will queue quietly while certificates are inspected? Right!

I may be wrong in some of the above as they have only officially produced the rules today. All 47 pages of them.

Now all the nightclub owners and publicans can decide what staff to hire and what stocks to lay in. The same with the publicans. They have to do all that before opening time this evening.

Sure haven’t they loads of time to prepare?