Death by a thousand cuts
I thought I might mow the meadow today.
That on the face of it is a simple job. However as is normal in the Manor any job requires a few jobs to be done first, In this case, it’s the brambles.
Brambles are the bane of my life. They have killed off one complete hedge and are climbing the trees to kill them off too. We used to have a twenty foot variegated holly tree but now we have a twenty foot bramble bush instead. The fucking things are taking over the garden.
Mowing the field requires mowing close to the edge of the grass near the bushes and other shrubs. But those bushes and shrubs have sneaky tendrils of bramble hanging out of them ready to reef the skin off me if I get too close. So mowing grass involves the preparation – going around hacking at all the brambles before they hack me.
I did a bit. I suppose I have cleared about fifteen feet of shrubs which is a mere fraction of the work that’s needed. I now have two massive piles of bramble with shoots anything up to ten feet long, which of course are going to reef me anyway when I try to move them to the dump.
I gave up. It’s too hot out there for hard work. I suppose I could do my mowing but starting about six feet away from the edges but I’d still get the face ripped off me by tendrils of thorns hanging down from the trees. As it is, my arms are covered in blood despite my wearing heavy duty gauntlets. Penny will have a field day when she discovers this. She always tries to gently clean any cut with gentle licking so I assume she thinks I’m her puppy?
I really fucking hate brambles.
Yes indeed, the perils of a ride-on mower! We have elliminated most of the brambles over the years, but in our garden wild roses shoot up everywhere and do the same job. Then there are the aggressive military style stealth nettles that can hide in the most unexpected places.
How the hell did you eliminate them? Napalm? I don’t mind wild roses. We have one that persists in denying access to the front door. A beautiful scent though.
The wild roses are very pretty and nicely scented so we cultivate those in sensible places, we have a hedge of them, but they are very unwelcome when they produce a barbed whip hanging out from the shrub bed. Not all brambles are eliminated, but when we moved here they were up in the trees and covered large areas of previously untended garden, years of pulling them up has helped restrict them to safer places.
Yeah Right. Twelve are welcome any time.
Provided they can show proof of getting the jab of course.
If they cut my lawn they’ll have jabs aplenty with loads to spare.