Where I become cooler
I am sitting here with eagle eye watching my computer screen.
I am searching adverts.ie, irelandbuysell.com and of course ebay.ie.
For what do I seek, you ask?
Well, my personal files and intimate details of course. The Ruskies have promised to put them up online so naturally I’m keen to buy them, partly because their mine and partly because the HSE won’t let me see them anyway. I have a feeling that there may have been some mis-diagnosing in the past and there may be potential in there for a massive claim and settlement. Our Health Service are very keen to pay out millions for their little slip-ups.
My concern though is that the sale may not take place.
Our gubmint has taken out an injunction in the Irish courts, making it a crime to attempt to sell my details. This is a little high-handed as I consider I have a right to buy them, but never mind. The Ruskies are probably shitting themselves over this injunction. All their hard work and months of coding and hacking, they are stymied by the Irish courts. I actually feel sorry for them.
To be sure to be sure I just did a search for my number. You see, the gubmint don’t think of me as a person; I’m just a number which salves their conscience when they screw me for taxes, and they can then sleep soundly at night. It’s easier to screw a number than a person? So anyway, as I said, I’m searching for my number.
I found it, but it’s on an American site.
Apparently I’m an “Engine Wiring Loom Harness” or a “Transistor Cooler”.
Sadly, I’m out of stock.
Of course they’ve been to court: m’learned friends are (just marginally) cheaper than lots of civil claims.
Nah, if you want to find the records you need to buy the 60 Gb PC running Windows XP
Out of stock…What do you make of that?
So are you on backorder or have you been discontinued?
where you replaced by a newer model and no one told you?
I phoned them. Under the circumstances they have manufactured a new Me just for me. The relief is palpable,
Is the new you being made in China or Indonesia?
So I guess the bundle of files for sale on Craig's List for $29.95 wasn't yours after all. Too bad since I could have sold them back to you for twice the price. What are friends for anyway? Or I could have made them into a book?
$29.95? Surely I'm worth more than that?
The seller probably didn't know it was you.