I am sitting here with eagle eye watching my computer screen.

I am searching adverts.ie, irelandbuysell.com and of course ebay.ie.

For what do I seek, you ask?

Well, my personal files and intimate details of course. The Ruskies have promised to put them up online so naturally I’m keen to buy them, partly because their mine and partly because the HSE won’t let me see them anyway. I have a feeling that there may have been some mis-diagnosing in the past and there may be potential in there for a massive claim and settlement. Our Health Service are very keen to pay out millions for their little slip-ups.

My concern though is that the sale may not take place.

Our gubmint has taken out an injunction in the Irish courts, making it a crime to attempt to sell my details. This is a little high-handed as I consider I have a right to buy them, but never mind. The Ruskies are probably shitting themselves over this injunction. All their hard work and months of coding and hacking, they are stymied by the Irish courts. I actually feel sorry for them.

To be sure to be sure I just did a search for my number. You see, the gubmint don’t think of me as a person; I’m just a number which salves their conscience when they screw me for taxes, and they can then sleep soundly at night. It’s easier to screw a number than a person? So anyway, as I said, I’m searching for my number.

I found it, but it’s on an American site.

Apparently I’m an “Engine Wiring Loom Harness” or a “Transistor Cooler”.

Sadly, I’m out of stock.