I get some strange emails.

Well, actually I get a vast quantity of strange emails some more strange than others. At one end of the scale I am repeatedly told about some bloke who swapped his wife for the secret of an enormous manhood, or how something has astounded Shark Tank with something [what ever the fuck Shark Tank is? Is it like Dragon’s Den?]. Then I get the personal ones that aren’t obviously just shovelled out to the masses but are intended for my eyes only. SuperShadow springs to mind but he seems to have done a vanishing act lately.

I received one of the latter type yesterday –

Hello,
My name is Ronnie Hobby.
There is libellous content on your site telling many lies about me published by my convicted brother Christopher Hobby, would you be so kind as to remove it?
Many thanks,
Ronnie Hobby

Now I have no recollection whatsoever of having written anything about any Christopher Hobby, nor indeed a Ronnie Hobby. What the fuck was this all about? Had he confused me with someone else? Had he been smoking dope? I did a quick search for the names on the Interwebs and I seem to have landed myself into a strange nest of Trolls and Paedophiles or something. Weird? I couldn’t make head nor tale of it so I let the matter lie for a while.

Then it occurred to me in an amazing flash of sheer inspiration… could he be talking about Anna Raccoon?

I was right. Dear Christopher seems to have been quite prolific in the comments area and his name crops up repeatedly and frequently. So I suppose I had better reply to that email.

Dear Ronnie,

Thank you for your mail which arrived on Easter Sunday despite there being no post.

I would like to point out that you could have saved me a deal of bother if you had mentioned which site you were referring to. In fact I find your mail somewhat curt and lacking in any detail which didn’t help an iota. However that is beside the point.

I’m afraid I cannot accede to your request as I am not the owner of the site, merely an archivist. I had no hand or part in the creation of the site or its contents. You are asking a bookshop owner to remove some offending paragraphs from one of the books on his shelves? I would refer you to the author and owner but unfortunately she is deceased in every sense of the word.

Also you provide no proof whatsoever of the allegations. Can you prove the alleged lies? Would you have me complicit in covering up the truth?

Dear Christopher seems to be quite something when it came to commenting on the site with appearances going back over ten years. He seemed to have a lot to say [it can’t all be lies surely?]. The last entry though seems to be around four years ago so maybe then would have been the time to complain? Why not let sleeping dogs lie? Dragging things up now will only bring on the Streisand Effect.

Maybe you could make things up with your brother, as distinct from his making things up about you?

Send him a bunch of flowers.

Your sincerely

Grandad