Who am I?
I came across this little gem over at Nanny Knows Best.
I confess I am a little concerned.
While I am not implicitly mentioned it will only be a matter of time before I come under the hammer. What the fuck do I become? A Parent’s Parent? That wouldn’t work as it could be confused with Herself. PersonWhoHasSpawnedASprogWhoInTurnSpawnedMoreSprogs?
But Herself is no more as well. Itself? SpouseOfTheOppositeGenderSelf?
This is getting very fucking confusing.
What does Daughter become? Female child won’t work as the word “female” is definitely sexist. OffspringWithTheAbilityToBearChildren would be insulting to all of a barren nature. ChildLackingXChromosome would be closer but doubtless would offend someone with a homosexual bent. DicklessSprog would have the transsexuals up in arms. And if she [it?] ceases to be a mother then what does she [it?] become? TheParentWithTheBoobs?
The Grandkids are okay for the moment, but individually they are fucked. They’ll just have to become GK1, 2, 3 and 4.
I don’t think they thought this one through, as usual.
Is “cunts” still allowed?
Am I still living in the same society I was born into? Along with "altfacts" (so-called "alternative facts") these new House rules sound suspiciously like the beginning of Newspeak to me. I suppose whoever came up with these new rules must think the whole idea was plusgood or even doubleplusgood?
What's next then? Renaming the United States of America to Oceania?
Saying I'm totally disgusted doesn't even begin to cover it.
I sometimes wonder if I'm on the same planet. Is this all a dream/nightmare? Maybe it's just a joke and some morning I'll wake up with everyone laughing at me for being so gullible?
And what's wrong with first cousin? Is second cousin allowed?
(I realize I have an extremely racist email name but since I based it on Alice In Wonderland I'm not going to change it.}
You have a perfect name. Female written as "Cathlin Barry" and male when written "Barry, Cathlin". I'm jealous and pondering the prospect of a name change by deed poll.
"Grandad" and "Grandma" don't seem to be on the list, so you and Herself are ok (presumably for now). Or perhaps you can refer to yourself as "Himself", sons as "Himself Jr 1, 2, etc", grandsons as "Himself Jrx2, 1, 2 etc" and so on and so forth. Also you could adopt something along the lines of the old Eastern European surname principle whereby "ski" meant a slave, so if you were a "Wankski" you were a descendant of a slave of Count Wank. So welcome to the 21st century Himself Eireski.
It's only a matter of time. "Himself" and "Herself" are too gender specific.
Wait until they move into Iceland where the convention is to name after the father – John Benson or Mary Bendaughter?
The Italians know what's what.
Erm… ChildLackingYChromosome, Shirley.
Or ChildWithWayTooManyXChromosomes might work.
I think a simpler solution would be to just neuter anyone who agrees with these daft ideas? One generation should sort things?
Shall we all become androgynous then?