There is a threat out there but few seem aware of it.
I speak of something far far worse that anything dreamed up in a laboratory in Wuhan in China or indeed in Porton Down. Bird flu is chicken feed and Corona is just watery beer by comparison.
I refer of course to the impending overthrow of humanity by the wheelie bin.
The invasion had humble starts. One by one they started appearing outside people’s houses. No one really took any notice of them. Then they started to multiply and are now reproducing at an alarming rate. I know I started with just one, yet somehow I now have four, lurking in the front garden by the gate watching. That’s what they do – they watch. They are waiting for their time to come.
It was our Penny who alerted me to this danger. She is a very friendly dog and will be all over any knacker who comes in the gate looking to fix my roof or tarmac my driveway. But if the pope himself walked up the lane dragging a wheelie bin behind him, well, the world would be on the lookout for a new pope. She is wise to the ways of the wheelie bin and had the great sense to alert me.
They seem to be programmed or given their orders or something by huge lorries that come thundering up the road. That lorry used to come just once a fortnight but now it is joined by others coming twice a week, which just goes to show the alarming growth of the menace.
They somehow seem to have hypnotised the population into feeding them. They always seem to be full of shit and once the lorries have visited they appear to be hungry again.
So next time you are around the side of your house, or wherever it is that they lurk on your property, just watch them.
Because damn sure they’re watching you.