If the powers that be get their way, nipping down to the pub for a pint will be a little complicated.
For a start, I have to phone ahead and book my pint of stout. Do I have to give them a day’s notice or can I phone on my way down? They don’t seem to be very clear on that point.
Then when I arrive I have to have a “substantial” meal along with my pint. Now apparently a substantial meal either consists of what I would normally have for dinner, or failing that, any meal costing more than nine yoyos. Why nine is significant I don’t know but apparently it is. Pubs will probably just charge nine yoyos for a packet of crisps or a pack of peanuts. For years now they have been charging small fortunes for a glass of tap water so I suppose people just won’t notice.
Having arrived at my appointed time and received my pre-ordered pint of stout, along with my overcharged packet of crisps [or peanuts] I then have just ninety minutes before I am thrown out again. Again I am not sure of the significance of the ninety. Maybe they just have a thing for nines? They probably initially suggested nine minutes drinking time until a modicum of common sense prevailed.
I don’t know how they are going to time my visit. Will I have to clock in? Will I be given a ticket as if I were in a car park indicating my expiry time? Will all customers be issued with kitchen timers programmed to ping after ninety minutes?
I suppose some will say that it’s worth the hassle just to socialise with friends. But then the ubiquitous Unsocial Distancing will put paid to that idea
I’m beginning to see the attractions of just having a quiet whiskey at home.
It’s a lot less complicated.