Paper, my arse — 15 Comments

  1. Always put on clean underwear when going out “as you never know when you’ll be hit by a bus”


    I'm sure Monty Python did a sketch about that, but I'm buggered if I can find a YouTube clip to prove it.  I've just been round the shops, and they seem to be getting bog rolls back back on the shelves – but now you can't buy soap for love or money!  Presumably once the sheeple realised they couldn't wipe their arses with tissue paper the (only*) alternative lead to another mad panic buying spree?

    * As so few people now buy a newspaper – mostly reading things online – they can't even tear strips off one and use that…

    • I believe the tabloids are best.  The paper is cheaper and more absorbent.  Be careful the ink doesn't run when wet though.

    • Yes. I have heard some people get pleasure from bidets.  Spin dryers are good too [so I have been told].

  2. Never could understand cleaning supermarkets out of toilet paper rolls just because of little old Covid-19. Same thing is going on here in the States and it makes no sense to me. If people are that obsessed with clean rear ends as compared to less necessary things like eating and drinking and can't afford a bidet, then they can just run the garden hose into their loo and use that instead. They just have to make sure they have someone trustworthy on the faucet end of the hose. Someone who wouldn't even consider cranking that faucet wide open for example?

    "Ya clean yet?"

  3. I thought it was a Maryt Feldman sketch – seeing that he was about to be run down by a bus, racing back home for a change of underwear, racing back just in time to be run over. ‘Twas funny I recall, whoever dun it.

  4. I suppose the Irish judicature has no equivalent to the UK's Master of the Rolls? 

  5. It is a sizeable number of my countrymen showing what utter morons they are. Firstly the MSM is full of Corona virus hysteria. My calculations, assuming the figures are accurate, show the CV-19 to have a mortality rate lower than for the seasonal influenza virus. CV-19 is not a nice virus to catch and it can make suffers very ill. But media hysteria and government inaction (as in banning travel to and from China which didn't happen plus bugger all screening at airports) has just whipped up this rather stupid reaction. (I am a medical microbiologist by profession BTW)

  6. The best gag I've seen on twitter was a guy who said:

    "I have 2 x 16  packs of toilet rolls and 8 bottles of hand sanitizer. Looking to swap for 3 bedroom house in Chelsea".

    This was replied with:

    "You can have my Bentley if I can hold them for 5 minutes to have photos taken".

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