The Last Cheque
I had a bit of a panic yesterday evening.
I needed my chequebook but it was lost.
I remember the days when my chequebook went everywhere with me. The were two ways of getting cash – go to the bank and withdraw some, or cash a cheque. It was a regular routine to enter a pub and ask the most important question – do you cash cheques? If the answer was no it meant going on to the next pub. I had many dry nights.
Now of course it’s all plastic. I can pay for things online, pay for most things with a card or if the need for cash arises, I go to the nearest ATM. As a result I am down to writing maybe one cheque a year.
Now I know where I used to keep the chequebook, but that was in the days when the Back Room was an office / junk room. Of course I had converted that into a hospital ward for Herself and God knows where I had put the fucking thing.
Having ripped a couple of rooms asunder, I found it in the end in a pile of old papers which was a relief. There is just one cheque left in the book [which has turned a sort of Sepia colour with age]. It must be decades old. I must apply for a new one, assuming they still make ’em.
The reason for my dire need was for a job I had ordered. They are out at the front making a hell of a noise as I type. They are putting in new gates, but this time with steel pillars. I’m sick and tired of patching up the old gate and anyway one of the old pillars has rotted away once more.
I hope this one lasts a bit longer.
I have to admit I've gone to plastic these days for just about everything except paying the various bills that come in every month. I never pay my bills online for security reasons. First it was my debit card from my bank but that became risky over the years so I recently went to a credit card and pay it off at the end of the month (with a check no less) so no interest charge or annual fees. Fortunately, my wife and I order our checks a half a dozen books at a time so there's always a back up ready.
But I have this dreaded feeling that before I die, paying for anything, including the monthly bills, will require a smart phone. We'd better damn well be out of debt by then, except for the mortgage of course, and I can always drive to bank–I hope.
In line with age, the use of cheques seems to parallel the changing sex-life profile – now about once a year or on very special occasions. That being the case, respect to Kirk M and his lady wife for their heartening continuity.
Thank you sir. From both of us. Long may our checks wave…or something like that.
I believe they call that a "Laugh Out Loud" moment?