On being stressed
I received a letter the other day.
The health mob have made an appointment for me to have a stress test.
I have to report to the hospital wearing loose clothing and comfortable shoes and carrying a towel.
I know a little bit about stress tests. They take the material in question and subject it to various tortures until it breaks, and from that they can deduce how much strain similar materials will behave and set various safety limits. It’s a simple enough process.
So presumably they are going to subject me to various stresses and strains until I fail? And what constitutes a fail? Are they going to wait until I collapse in a gibbering sweaty heap begging for mercy? Is that what the towel is for? For me to throw it in? Or are they just going to go the whole hog and keep stressing me until the heart fails and I drop dead? Am I to be sacrificed in order that limits may be set for others?
These are fairly important questions, for me at least.
They don’t mention any of that in the letter.
Any 'invitation' from the Health Dep't/NHS is in itself a stress test.
"
Exercise stress test. In the days or weeks after your heart attack, you might also have a stress test to measure how your heart and blood vessels respond to exertion. You might walk on a treadmill or pedal a stationary bike while attached to an ECG machine. Or you might receive a drug intravenously that stimulates your heart similar to the way exercise does.
Another possibility is a nuclear stress test, which is similar to an exercise stress test, but uses an injected dye and special imaging techniques to produce detailed images of your heart while you're exercising."
There you go, sorted. Source is Mayo Clinic.
I had one of those nuclear stress things, it was a piece of cake, a lot of lying down and being monitored. Didn't need a towel though.
However, I was very disappointed that I couldn't walk up walls, or shoot webs from my hands afterwards.
I had a stress test a few years ago. They made me run on a treadmill until I thought I was having a heart attack. Then they made me hold my breath. It was kinda' the opposite of fun. During the test I thought I was going to die. Though when it was all over and done I felt fine. Like I'd been working out and it was over
I had the same type as Brianf, I think the idea is they stop you a few milliseconds before you break, but it didn't feel like they were that quick.
I had the stress test too a few years ago on a treadmill.
Buggers kept saying 'a bit more' – bastards!
And forgot to ask me to bring a towel so I just dripped all over the floor…
I don't mind those treadmill things, but I just hope it isn't a pedal machine. The latter are a test of leg muscles rather than a test of heart.
If they really want to stress test me all they have to do is call up to the Manor whenever Herself is in a foul mood.
Didn't Arthur Dent in Hitchhiker'sGuide to the Galaxy carry a towel with him, just before the Earth was destroyed by Vogons?
I hope this does not indicate the imminent destruction of the planet. I have only just joined Gloucestershire County Council's pension scheme.
I confess that's one book I never read. Anyhows, don't we know that the earth is shorty to be destroyed by an invasion of plastic straws?
For heavens sake, it's not like you didn't go through the hell of physical therapy already which puts a lot more constant stress on your body than any "stress test". And weren't you wired during physical therapy? Ah, don't bother with the stress test. Just contact the physical therapy overlords and ask them to send a copy of your results as a reply to the "invitation" and let them be satisfied with that.
Of course you could always tell them that due to a recent heart attack on your part you couldn't possibly participate in their stress test due to the chance of it resulting in a heart attack.
Oh, and by the way, every stress test I've had involves walking/jogging on a treadmill, no cycling. Hope it's the same there.
I'll probably wander in just to see what they have in store for me. Though the greatest stress will happen when I try to find a car parking space.
You should point that out to them?
I will!