I have been certified.
I got my certificate today to state that I had completed Phase 3 of my Cardiac Programme. It’s a little confusing as I don’t remember doing Phase 1 or 2. Is there a phase 4? I hope not.
Anyhows I am finished with the Torture Room. They have done their worst and I’m still alive.
I did have a little bit of fun with the therapist. He politely asked if I could help with another survey [anonymous, this time]. He asked if I smoked. Yes. How many cigarettes a day? None – gave ’em up in the ’60s. But I smoke? Yes. I pointed out that his survey made the usual crass assumptions and didn’t cater for those of us who smoked a pipe. He left me alone after that.
The one thing I did notice about the Torture Course was the time. I started it a mere five week ago but for some reason it seems to have gone on for months. I know time seems to go faster as I age but this was a reverse effect. I cannot believe it was only five short weeks.
Anyhows, it’s over. No more alarms. No more arranging people to sit with Herself. No more agonising and furious pedalling to get me nowhere. No more aching muscles.
I can revert to my usual status of couch potato.
Phase 1: Having the heart attack.
Phase 2: Being treated for said heart attack.
**If patient survived the heart attack go on to Phase 3. If not, simply sign the bottom of the form and send to appropriate department.
Phase 3: Physical
Phase 4: If patient
survivescompletes Phase 3, send home and wait for next heart attack (let's hope not).
Happy rest of your life, sir!