A smoking related death
In the course of the last couple of months I have caused great confusion.
One of the first questions fired at me in the hospital [or maybe it was in the ambulance – I forget] was of course whether I smoked or not. In retrospect I should have said [quite truthfully] that I hadn’t smoked a cigarette since 1971. That would have been the truth and I could have stuck with that story. Unfortunately I was a tad confused [having just had a heart attack] I said that yes, I did indeed smoke.
That is where the confusion started.
How many cigarettes a day did I smoke? I truthfully said none. Each time I was asked that there would be a long pause as they digested this information. They would then ask how many packs a week. Again I would honestly reply none, and to put them out of their misery I would tell ’em I smoked a pipe. Rather than simplifying matters, that would then lead to even more confusion.
The thing about pipe smoking is that they know little or nothing about it. Their computerised systems don’t have a check-box for the pipe, only cigarettes. Pipe smokers nicely fall through the cracks in their systems. They have just been taught that smoking equals cigarettes, that every smoker smokes X cigarettes a day and that’s it.
I was given a card on Monday to be handed over to Doc. It lists all my medications and the results of the various blood tests I have had in hospital.
At the very top of the card is “Risk factors”. There is only one printed one [showing how fixated they are] and that is “Smoking Status”. No mention of Diet or stress or anything like that, just smoking. There are three options – “Never”, “Ex” [and a place to enter how many months/years] and finally “Current” followed by an entry ” x _____ daily” which is obviously for the number of cigarettes per day. Too bad if you smoke one a week? Someone [and I haven’t a fucking clue where they got this from] had written in “x 2pks/week”. What the fuck? So somewhere in their narrow computerised system I am apparently down as smoking around six cigarettes a day. No mention of the filtration system in my pipe, whether or not I inhale or even the type of tobacco I smoke. I am a dirty filthy cigarette smoker, end of story.
Sadly, if I am run over by a bus tomorrow I’m going to enter the realms of “smoking related death”.
Or even “killed by cigarettes”.
Not my quote, and I've no idea where I first spotted it but to that smoking question I always replied, 'No, but if you feel it could be beneficial to me, I don't mind starting.'
Was there at least a nice smoking area in the hospital for you to enjoy your pipe?
Out the front under the No Smoking sign.
I believe anyone who EVER smoked, is recorded as a "smoker". My husband stopped smoking in 1980, but he is recorded as a smoker in his files. That's why you cannot believe any stats produced about smokers.
Sorry about your heart attack – that's frightening. Husband had one about seven or eight years ago. He's in great health despite it. Get well soon!
Seeing as they count one experimental cigarette as Smoking …?!
I know you’re being flippant, but in all seriousness the cause of death would probably be multiple injuries ,however there is what is known as a Part II this is reserved for other existing conditions that.are not directly linked to your immediate demise , therefore the Pathologist may well add “ Tobacco Smoker” why? Because they get paid for it
Ah fuckit, they can count me as a smoker if they wish. And a drug addict. Or an alcoholic. Why should I care when I'm dead?