The Final Solution
Our Great Gubmint has gotten itself into a bit of a quandary.
Great sums are being spent on forcing us to give up smoking, to force us to drink less and even to force us to eat less. This is all in the name of Health with the ultimate goal of making us all live longer.
There is however a flaw in the plan. Making us all live longer has a totally unforeseen side effect that no one could have predicted – if we live longer, then we grow old.
Ageing population to put strain on pensions and health system, Government warns
Of course one solution would be to make everyone very healthy, work hard to make taxes for the gubmint and then for everyone to be marched into the gas chambers on reaching the age of sixty five. I am quite sure they have considered this but they probably realise that it may not be so Politically Correct and have probably shelved the idea for a generation or two.
There is an alternative which they may not have considered.
I would suggest that they remove all taxes on alcohol, tobacco and food. Smoking should not only be compulsory but should be subsidised in order to get us all to smoke as much as possible. We can all become obese alcoholics and chain smokers.
Everyone will die young.
Just think of it – everyone will pay into their pension funds and pay taxes but then will die at least ten years younger. No more pensions to pay out, and all those lovely pension funds can be used for vanity projects and lavish lifestyles for our Lords and Masters.
Being a true patriot, I am going to do my best. I promise to smoke more, double my whiskey quota for the night and shall have at least six Mars bars a day.
I will probably die fifteen years ago.
But I know my duty.
"…everyone to be marched into the gas chambers on reaching the age of sixty five…"
Variations on "Logan's Run" – which brings to mind memories of the delightful Jenny Agutter in a mini-toga. I still find the memory exciting; I just can't remember why.
Ah. Jenny Agutter! I remember her in "Walkabout" [stark naked]. I have no idea why I remember that film in particular.
Of course the statistics suggest otherwise. At their very worst hyperbole, the anti-tobacco lobby claims that a maximum of only 50% of smokers will die early from a smoking-related condition – and that's after they've made the most tenuous of connections between 'conditions' and 'smoking'. That means at least the other 50% will still stay healthy, living long and costly lives to the State in pensions etc.
The other factor is that, in the UK, the State collects more than four times the amount in taxes from smokers than it spends on all those allegedly related conditions – that means they've got more money available to spend on those with 'approved' self-inflicted conditions like sporting injuries and HIV/AIDS, the cost of which is never questioned.
So rather than reducing the taxes, they should leave the taxes alone and simply encourage more to smoke more, meaning even more cash is then available to treat the gym-bunnies, joggers, cyclists and careless bum-bandits.
I thought 50% of everyone dies early, just as 50% don't? That's how they arrive at an average……
83.7% of statistics are made up on the spot – as any fule kno.