I think you all know me fairly well by now.
You re all aware of my placid nature and how difficult it is to annoy me? I am a pool of tranquillity and little ruffles my surface.
Lately however I have become the victim of another scam. Or rather I have become the target, as I never let them get far enough to actually achieve anything.
The phone rings. It’s a local number that I don’t recognise but it could be some long lost friend or a solicitor telling me I have inherited a fortune from some relative I never knew I had. Anyways I answer the phone.
After a pause, a recorded voice tells me they are from “eir connect” or some such, and that my Internet connection has been compromised. Apparently they are to disconnect me within 24 hours and could I please press 1 to speak to an agent.
Now I may be an old duffer but I know a little bit about Internet connections and for the life of me I know of no way that an Internet connection can be compromised. It either works, or it doesn’t. If they said my in-house wireless had been compromised I might give them some credence, but they have no way of monitoring it so that’s out. If my IP address was compromised then it’s simply a matter of rebooting my router to grab a different IP. There is no need to threaten me with disconnection. One way or another, I am not going to play their little game, so I hang up.
For the uninitiated, I assume the purpose of these calls is to get me to install some bit of software or something whereupon they can grab all my personal information, or else infect my laptop and then charge me a fortune to disinfect it again.
I have had quite a few of these calls to date. Certainly it is several days since the first call and my Internet connection is still loud and clear. Mostly they are in the afternoon but today they crossed the line. A phone call at nine in the morning is a fuck off phone call. It wakes the house and that is guaranteed to really boil my piss. To make matters worse, they tried again at ten.
They are trying my patience. I am tempted to press that 1 the next time they call and let fly with as much invective as I can muster.
You see – under that tranquil surface I can be a right bastard if the circumstances call for it.
“You see – under that tranquil surface I can be a right bastard if the circumstances call for it.”
I don’t believe a word of that. You are the veritable definition of pure gentleman, (arf arf).
Herself’s sentiments exactly.
Give them hell!
I had this type of call this morning, but mine was from ‘OfCom’.
I pressed number 1, and ‘Kevin Wilson’ answered his phone and asked what he could do to help me. Mr. Wilson had a remarkable strong Indian accent.
I was not in a good mood. Very abruptly I let him know that I did not believe that he was really ‘Kevin Wilson’ and that in fact he was a criminal. I then offered him a firm suggestion that he should ‘Go Away’.
On future occasions, if I have time, I might be tempted to string them along for as long as possible.
Presumably they are savvy enough to say they are from the major supplier in the area, though OfCom is sneaky!
There is always the temptation to play along. I have done it a few times with the Microsoft scam which is very satisfying when they finally realise that I know a hell of a lot more about the subject than I’m letting on. Maybe some day I’ll have a go at this lot, just to see how far I can wind them up?
It is also possible that this is a much more simple scam, or even a dual one. Pressing 1 to reply may take you to a premium rate line. That way the scammers get some money even if you do not fall for putting some malware onto your PC when you talk to them. Devious bastards that they are, they deserve to be permanently chained up in a Free Presbyterian church. Boredom at that level would soon show them the error of their ways!
I thought of that premium line trap. I’m not going to test it one way or another.
Lock ’em in a room for 24 hours and play non-stop Daniel O’Donnell at them?
Or maybe that’s a bit harsh……….
Harsh? It’s diabolically fiendish. I heartily approve.
Daniel = the new water-boarding! 😉 It’s still not bad enough. Perhaps screening constant Telly Tubbies at them 24/7, with Daniel accompanying?
Stringing them along at least keeps them busy for a while in which they can’t annoy someone else. So I regard “stringing them along” as a service to humanity.
James Strong, you actually spoke to Kevin Bloody Wilson? If I had been that lucky I would have got my guitar and asked if we could do a duet, one of Kev’s song seems appropriate “Stick that fucking ‘phone up yer fucking ass”.
Note what you say about premium calls, easy to fall into that trap.
Our ISP is talktalk, or better known as stalkstalk, back along they lost a lot of customers details and the scammer must have had ours as he quoted account details that he should not have known. Tried to get me to install remote desktop software, he was very helpful, but I got fed up and after 10 minutes of trying to find the windows logo in the bottom left of the desktop, I asked what the equivalent Linux logo was, he hung up. Have fun with these people. Keep Safe, Hal.
I actually look forward to those scam artists from “Microsoft” that tell me my Windows has a problem. And they, of course, want to connect remotely to my computer in order to solve said problem(s). If I’m in the right mood and have a bit of time to spare I string them along attempting to follow instructions (but can’t) until about 5 to 10 minutes into it when I advise them I’m running Linux Mint.
I’ve been cursed at occasionally when I do this. When that happens I consider it’s a good day’s work done.