No, I’m not talking about chocolate bars.
Why they ever changed the name of that bar to “Snickers” is beyond me. It sounds too like Sniggers [or Knickers]. I never liked ’em anyway.
No, I’m not talking about that yoke they held in Dublin this weekend.
You know the thing – where they shut down an entire city so that a few thousand wonks can run in a circle and half kill themselves in the process? When will it occur to them that the finish line is only a short stroll from the start line? Idiots.
What I am talking about is the most irritating little fucker who lives in my ceiling. Yes, a fucking mouse.
He has been living up there for a few months at this stage, I reckon. He’s a weird little fucker in that he leaves no trace whatsoever. Some months ago he took an Oxo cube from a box and made a right fucking mess with bits of silver paper and Oxo cube all over the place Since then he hasn’t touched a thing. I moved all edibles for a while but started replacing them so I would know where to find them again. He still hasn’t touched anything.
Nor has he left any traces. You know those little trails of mouse-shit that somehow seem to mostly collect in the cutlery drawer? None. Not one turd. So he either cleans up after himself [unlikely] or he is the most constipated mouse in history [maybe he’s full of solidified beef gravy?]. Or maybe he has the decency to crap in the garden like the rest of us?
The problem is that every now and then he runs a fucking race around the gap between the kitchen ceiling and the roof. He makes one hell of a racket which annoys me and gives Penny a nervous twitch. That’s why I call him Marathon.
So how do I even know he’s a mouse and not some other miniature life form? Because a month or so ago I opened the cupboard where I happen to store Oxo cubes amongst a lot of other edibles, and there he was, sitting there staring at me with his twinkly little eyes. We started at each other for a few seconds, and then he was gone.
I have put out traps. He either ignores them or neatly eats the bait without setting off the trap. I have to admire him for that.
Cat seems blissfully unaware of his existence. She has been showing a weird interest in the bathroom lately so maybe she has picked up a mouse scent? Or maybe she just wants a shower? I don’t speak Cat Language so I have no way of knowing.
I suppose I will just have to tolerate his little bursts of energy.
Or wait until he chews through the lighting wires?