Old people are a pain
“When did we grow old?”
Herself asked me that the other day and it made me think. Frankly it did come as a bit of a shock as until then I didn’t think I was Old [with a capital O].
I suppose the rot set in around four years ago when Herself had her stroke. Overnight the concept of immortality vanished in a puff of reality, and I realised that we were indeed mortal.
Since then her health has deteriorated somewhat. Ironically it has nothing to do with strokes or blood pressure [though her left side isn’t as strong as the right which is the only legacy]. Though on second thoughts, maybe the stroke is the cause, because the medical system was concentrating so hard on keeping the blood pressure stable that they forgot that other bits need maintenance too. So as a result, her spine is slowly rusting solid and the bearings are shot in her arms and legs.
Now I have been studiously ignoring my health as I have always done. My choice of treat in the coffee shop is always the cake that looks the stickiest and therefore has the highest levels of sugar, and salt is my friend. I like my fry fried and not grilled. I occasionally buy a Mars bar, though I did have to cut down on them a bit as my trousers were getting a little tight around the waist. In fact my one and only concession to healthy eating is to watch the waist line as I hate buying jeans or trousers.
Doc has taken to keeping a close eye on me. His argument is that if I drop dead, or worse, then there will be no one to look after Herself and therefore my health is vital. He now insists on regular blood tests and general overhauls or maybe he just needs an excuse to stick needles in me. Leastwise the results of the tests are always fine [so far] which apparently make me some sort of medical miracle considering that I seem to do the exact opposite of what I am supposed to do. I smoke, love salt and sugar, enjoy greasy fries and have an exercise regime equivalent to a Giant Tortoise.
But lately, I too have begun to notice things that weren’t there before. I seem to be aching a lot more than I used to. Pulled muscles are now the norm. Various painkillers now form a regular part of my diet. Yes – my body is getting old. The trouble is that my head stays stubbornly a lot younger. It comes as a shock to me any time someone asks my age.
Growing old is a pain in the arse.
“an exercise regime equivalent to a Giant Tortoise”
Which are renowned for their longevity .
As opposed to the permanently buzzing insects that last a few days
Hah! Fair point. I’m not sure I want to live for a couple of hundred years though.
The moment that made me feel old for the first time was the day I had to go out to buy my first fridge freezer.
Why? Did you feel stiff after lugging it home on your back?
It was my own fault. In hindsight I suppose I shouldn’t have filled it up first.
Ah! Senility creeping in?
Apparently so. I couldn’t even remember killing her.
A good excuse. If you don’t remember then it didn’t happen. Or if it did, it must have been someone else.
Brings to mind the late (and very missed) Spike Milligan, who quipped “I have the body of an eighteen year old: (pause) I keep it in the freezer”.
If I had the body of an eighteen year old, I’d have her keep me warm in bed of a cold winter’s night.
Awww, Don’t talk about getting old. Next Thursday I turn Officially Old. All the stiff knees and all the little aches and pains will not deter me from being young at heart. The grey hair and receding hairline don’t help.
And what pray do you class as Officially Old? Over here you become an OAP at 66. Most companies throw you on the scrap heap at 65, so you have to starve for a year until the pension kicks in. Weird.
Most companies kick you to the curb at 65 here but Social Security(which you have paid into your whole life) also kicks in at 65
Next Thursday I turn LX!
LX? For fucks sake you’re still a child. Wait until you at least hit LXV.
A local “Heritage” Steam Railway classed me as an OAP this summer, and I’m 62. The guard politely enquired as to how old I was, I replied that I now get free prescriptions (60 in the UK), but not yet a state pension, but he was quite happy to give me a reduced fare – £16 instead of £17!
I have noticed that I am no longer the supple youth I once was.At the age of 80 I find that I no longer can bend down, or get up as I once did.I console myself with the thought that I am still breathing and fairly active and that in less than 2 years I will have been collecting my pension for longer than I paid into it.
I agree about the bending down, but I found a cure for that – one of those sticks with a little grabbing claw at the end. Dead handy. It does take me longer to get out of a chair though.
Apparently being elderly in England starts at 70 years.
Ah! I had better move to England then and regain a year or so of my youth?
Thanks for cheering me up. It’s my birthday today… Miserable old sod.
On the subject of aches and pains…
The Wife and I were up in our small patch of woods the other day chain sawing a fair sized birch that had come down during a storm. Now these woods adorn the side of a ridge with a very steep slope so I wasn’t about to haul up our gas powered chain saw, bar oil, gas can, tools, etc (those days are well behind me) so I opted for our grand (not so little) cordless chain saw instead.
Long story short, cutting up the last bit of the tree required standing on the steep part of the slope instead of the more level part. I completed the last cut alright but when I attempted to come back up to the nice level path my boot slipped out from under me (damn leaves) and I went tumbling/sliding down the slope where I fetched up against the next tree.
The point to all this is the next day, despite some minor scraps, I didn’t feel any worse in the aches and pains department. I suppose this shows exactly how I feel day to day on a normal basis?
It’s one of the advantages of having constant aches and pains – you don’t notice any new ones when they occur.
Now if only I could shed this headache……..