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Charity Begins With a Gnome — 21 Comments

    • I was going to suggest The Indigent Grandads and Retired Gravediggers Association of Wicklow, But ASH Animal Rescue is a far better idea.  I vote for that too.

      • ASH Animal Rescue is my vote too, its personal to you, and you know it may help another Grandad get his Penny. In for a Penny, in for a pound, or five.

  1. ‘You are The Blocked Dwarf and I claim my £5’
    Either before my time or when I was not yet au fait with what was going on in the world but wasn’t that ‘You are Loppy Luggs and I claim my £5 ?’ .
    Something to do with recognising said gentleman and having a particular newspaper (News of the World/Daily Mail?)
    on your person

    • Very possibly, my generation knew it from Not The 9 oClock News “You’re Lord Lucan and I claim my £5”. But I recall my Ol’Dad telling me at the time (after he’d explained who ‘Lord Lucan’ was) that it was based on something out of the papers in the 60s. Mind you, if it was of such ancient origin the fiver prize would have actually have been worth the claiming.

  2. Wasn’t it Chalky White (or similar) in the Daily Mirror? He used to go to seaside towns during the summer holidays and people were alerted to his presence in a particular resort. 

  3. Send it to ‘Children Admonished for Smoking at Home’. We support children who’ve gotten into trouble for smoking, whilst at home. The cash will be used to provide tabs for the poor wee ones who, due to current tax rules can’t afford them themselves, and are provided in a blame free environment for them to enjoy at their leisure. Unfortunately, they don’t take paypal, but if you send a cheque to me (just use the initials, the name’s way too long for the payee line) I’ll make sure they get it. We’re OK if you deduct 56p for a stamp. If you make it payable for a tenner, I can introduce you to our founder, who has many millions that he’s dying to get out Nigeria, and he’ll sort you out for life.

  4. Moral dilemmas can be exhausting. Tis far better to be amoral and to spend said fiver on a packet of Woodbines. Anyway, charities are another manifestation of big business- have you seen how much the CEOs of most charities earn?  Perhaps a couple of pence may end up where it should. However, if your morality is unbendingly austere, may I suggest: ‘The Institute of Noetic Sciences’. Seems legit…….

  5. I’m rather surprised at my post getting 12 ‘proper’ comments (ie not Granddad nor me nor someone pointing out that some feature of the site don’t work).   *perhaps I should pen that just-shy-of-a-doctoral-thesis post about genitive declensions in proto-Germanic and how they relate to Trump’s election (a much understudied field of weaponized philology in my opinion).

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