Screwing the screwers
I think I mentioned a while ago that I had set myself a little challenge.
It was a simple enough task – to screw the gubmint for every cent I could get out of them.
If they has been decent and had spent my taxes wisely I might have taken a different course but seeing as they were intent on pissing it all against a wall, I decided that I was damn well going to be part of that wall.
My task started in earnest a couple of years ago. I had my company pension but decided to apply for a state pension too. Fuck them, but I had paid into the bloody thing albeit many many moons ago.
The form filling was endless and providing all the various proofs they required was tricky to say the least, as the records had to go back to the 70s, but I got there in the end. I got my state pension and the payment goes in every Friday.
Then I applied for free travel on rail bus and ferry services. I got that but have only used it a couple of times.
The next move was to get a Doctor’s Card to give me free GP visits. Now someone really fucked up here. Either I filled out the wrong form or it got sent to the wrong department but I ended up with a full Medical Card which not only entitles me free GP visits but dirt cheap medications as well. That saved an arm and a leg and opened up the door to more claims.
I was doing well so I decided to go for a Carer’s Allowance. That was sort of dependant on having the above lot [and someone to care for I suppose] so I thought I was in with a chance. Tons more form filling and getting details from banks yet again. I more or less forgot about that one after a while. I knew I was pushing things but what the hell? But last month I got a letter from them to say that I have the allowance, with back pay. That now goes in every Thursday.
I was beginning to scrape the barrel at this point but I decided to go for a fuel allowance. And – sure why not? – a free television licence as well.
I got that letter last week, confirming I now have a monthly rebate on my electricity bill. Oh, and the letter included a free television licence for life.
I think that is about it. I could go for some home renovations where I am now entitled to all sorts of grants [available to anyone who has all of the above] but I don’t like the thought of the mess.
I have to trawl the interwebs now to see if there are any other little hidden gems. They hide them well and make them as difficult and as time consuming to find and fill out as possible. Applications require endless listening to crappy messages and tacky music on the phones along with the endless form filling. None of it can be done on-line.
It’s worth the effort though.
Nothing quite like a man on a mission. You paid into the system, you’re entitled to the lot, so well done. There are others who lie, cheat and manipulate it to our detriment. They’re what brings it into disrepute. All those things should be index linked, so should more than cover the hikes in taxes on pipe tobacco. Oh and help keep the Ford going until the next check, maybe!
The moral of my little story is that there are loads of allowances and stuff out there, but they not only do their damnedest to hide them all, but make it as difficult as possible to apply for them. Patience [by the ton] and perseverance are the keywords, but it isn’t any harm to be bloody minded as well.
A television license! That just blows me away. You have to pay a yearly tax just to own a TV. That would never fly here. With 90 percent saturation of cable and satellite television local TV stations are required to broadcast an over the air signal so anyone can put up an antenna and get local channels for free.
Indeed. Somewhere in the region of €160 to €170 a year. That is regardless of whether you watch any Irish stations at all. They are miffed because a lot of people claim they are using smart phones and tablets to watch TV [much harder for the “authorities” to track]. They are now talking about bringing in a national charge applied to every house on the assumption that every home has a television or a smart phone these days. I would love to see that tested in court!
Change your last name to something that sounds Mexican and sneak across the border between Mexico and California. You get free medical, welfare, a drivers license, the list goes on and on. Just make sure you don’t file any of the paper work to become a legal resident. Of course there is a downside. You will be in California, surrounded by Californians. On second thought stay where you are.
From all I hear, California is about to become the New Atlantis any day? I’ll wait until the Tectonic Plates settle a bit. They seem a little restless at the moment.
Whilst I don’t share many of the doctrines of Warren “Rampant Rabbit” Jeffs (as he is known in theological circles and not just for the pun on his unfortunate first name) the longer i live the more I find myself in agreement about ‘Bleeding The Beast’. Screw the government for every penny you can get and if you can get away with defrauding them then go for it, brother. Actually I would rather the Leaders of such cults spent their time screwing the government and not their daughter and granddaughters.
O/T what is it with ‘Prophets’ and child brides,Mo?
Anyways back on topic sorta; right this moment your Blocked Dwarf thinks that with some major psycho-pharmaceutical assistance he might make the grade as ‘Village Idiot’ (and that in a county where there are no end of contenders).
Last year in March the yUK.gove -in its manifestation as the the Department For Work & Pension- decided The Absolute Bestes Frau In The Entire Universe and Beyond didn’t qualify for the ‘mobility’ component of the disabled assistance. No problem, thought I, I shall appeal – all I should need to do is remind them that she won a tribunal agin them on this very issue. So I set about preparing my case….and couldn’t find the copy of that Tribunal judgement. I went through the mounds of paperwork in the Cupboard Of Doom and The Filing Cabinet of Despair ,several times with no success. But no problem I thought ,I shall ask the Tribunal for a new copy.
The nice lady from the tribunal was very nice about it and dreadfully sorry but they only kept paper copies for a limited number of years and our appeal was before the age of digitisation (2008 !).
So I submitted an FOI, infact twice, to the DWP to get their copy. No joy, so then I submitted a SAR which resulted in that several-kilo heavy package of daisy wheel printouts but still NO ‘Judgement’ letter that I wrote about before. I then asked for ti directly by name and number and they went all Sergey Viktorovich Lavrov on me,claiming it was Fake News and they had never ever ever received such a document and if they had they would have destroyed long ago…it being before the age of digitisation (2008 and 2011!). I gave up.
Cursing myself for my lack of foresight and wondering how I could have managed not to have made a back up copy.Last night I was going through the files again looking for a sodding utility bill to prove to the German Embassy that The Best Frau In The World actually resides here at this address…and , yes this one writes itself, what did I find?The sodding, fucking Tribunal Judgement in Our Favour, do pass Go and collect £lots letter! FFS!
Worst still it was in the file marked “R E A L L Y IMPORTANT SHIT DO NOT DISCARD, YOU FUCKHEAD!!!!“. That oversight on my part, that mistake of putting stuff where it should be, has cost me £1.5K to date ….and will probably cost me into total £2.5k.
So before you all rush to screw the Man, do just first check you aren’t a congenital idiot with webbed toes and extra digits from Norfolk.
Absolutely. Have your guns lined up and your ammunition stacked before you start. And don’t make one of the mistakes I made – the assumption that if you send something to one office that other offices will be able to access that documentation [we do live in an electronic age, don’t we?]. Every office of every department will demand their own copy of everything. I suppose it’s a penis size competition [We don’t accept copies from that lot next door. We’re much too important and want our own]
Thank you for reminding me of yet another mistake I made and that cost me a fortune and months on anti-depressants! I assumed if I informed the DWP-Income Support Division of our change of address it would automatically be added to our MS DOS file (I kid not) and would be accessed by all divisions and departments of the DWP of whatever flavour. 2 months without money and the real threat of eviction that cost me, along with my mainlining anti-acids.
Well done you! I will be striving for the same bonuses when I wave good bye to the 9-5 next May.
Now you know all the channels, a new career beckons as a ‘benefits consultant’ – offer your services to others for a few of 10% of whatever extras they get (in perpetuity). Get only 10 clients and you’d have doubled your own benefits revenue, get 100 clients and you’re coining it in, index-linked, permanently. They all get lots more income, you’re just taking a small slice, so everybody’s happy – except perhaps your Finance Minister, but at least you’d declare it all and pay the taxes on it . . . . . or not.
A tempting thought but there’s too much work involved. I have a life to live!