Morality and ethics
I love all animals.
There are some that I love a deal less, such as dogs that look like they have been chasing parked cars, like Pugs, Bulldogs and the like, but in general I am happy with animals.
I would even go so far as to say that I would find it hard to kill a rodent and would prefer to just remove it from my house and introduce it to a neighbour’s abode.
The only ones I would cull without any hesitation are a certain political sub-set of Homo Sapiens.
And our Cat.
Now here is my ethical problem.
Our cat irritates me intensely. He does have his moments, usually when he’s fast asleep when he adds a certain air of tranquillity to the house but then there are the majority occasions where he demands constant door opening services and when he’s looking for food, which is nearly all the time. When he is on the scrounge for food nothing is sacred. I have seen him jump and land as delicately as a feather and I have seen him negotiate flower pots, vases and other tat without any disturbance. But when he is on a food hunt nothing is sacred. He ploughs through items on the kitchen surfaces, sending things flying in all directions. In other words, he’s a greedy little fucker with an alarming determination to get at grub at any cost.
The main problem though is his claw-sharpening. He knows it irritates me as every time he tries to remove a few more stitches from the carpet or tries to rip the side off the couch I throw things at him. He has a scratching post but very studiously ignores it and prefers the furniture. Anyway he has now taken to deliberately scratching in front of me.
He waits until I am walking across the room he will shoot from nowhere behind me, dart between my legs and promptly get into position – front end flat on the floor, rear end at full heigh with his arsehole smirking at me and the front claws frantically ripping another section out of the carpet.
So my question is simple.
When he presents me with such an obvious target, is it morally acceptable to accept that invitation, to plant a size eleven up his arse and to send him sailing into the lake?
In fairness, I would only do it if the door is open though.
Water Pistol
Slightly less fun but a nice idea. Fill it with dog pee? Battery acid?
Chili. Chop fine, soak in water, put water in pistol.
Excellent! Sit back and wait for it to wash itself. 😀
Won’t be able to make the connection though – water from a water pistol when scratching, yes, that will be connected. Licking water from the fur after more than 3, 4 seconds? No connection to what went before.
But water pistols work just fine without chili or dog pee. Even better if Cat doesn’t see where it’s coming from and thus defines it as an Act of God.
😉
with his arsehole smirking at me is the time to take your shot. He’ll be hearing the old Johnny Cash song Ring of Fire as he heads out the door.
The burning would stop when he smacked into the lake?
Teach it to read and then leave a couple of menus from Chinese and Indian takeaways around the house.
No chance. He’d only grab my laptop and spend the day searching for Loldogz.
Grandad,
A friend’s dad once sprayed his mother’s prize Persian cat in the hindparts with the diesel gas nozzle while filling up the old tractor. The cat took off at full speed and did three laps around the house before dropping. His mother came out of the house and yelled, “What happened to my cat?” to which his father replied non-chalantly “Ran out of gas.”
I laughed out loud. I know I shouldn’t have but what the hell.
As you are feeling all David Attenborough one thought one might ask if you know why vegans have pets as vegans do not allegedly use animals or animal products for any purpose yet a surprising amount have pets.
I am delighted to say that I have no acquaintances of that particular religion. I am very discerning when it comes to friendships.
Cats are cool
Yes Brianf. I was waiting for that. Try getting a dog and note the vast improvement.
I live with and take care of four Australian Shepherds. Lilly 12, Desiree 4, Rosie and Fawn 2. I also take care of Maggie’s two cats Kashi and Klipper. I love all animals but I prefer cats. That doesn’t mean I don’t love the dogs. I just prefer cats.
Weird. I suppose the world would be a dull place if we were all the same?
I don’t prefer cats, but they prefer me. Labs and herding dogs are great. But I have rescued two cats from dying in the wilderness and both became guardians of myself and also my land. Dogs are happy and loyal. However they will scrounge through garbage, dig holes, attack strangers and eat the random couch. You can fix a shredded couch but it’s tough to fix one that’s been eaten by your fav hunting dog. In a way they are sort of like politicians.
You can get a spray on version of catnip, spray it on his scratching post, all other possible scratching places will lose their attraction, cats are immune to stick but quite prone to carrot….
Oh I don’t know, the stick does work pretty well on cats but you have to consider their extremely short attention span. The stick has to turn up almost as they are doing something naughty for the moggy to connect the two. A good example would be a white specimen which some years ago got into a literal pissing match with another local feline.
I didn’t much care for the smell of this, so determined to exclude the bloody things from my back yard. In this aim I succeeded, with a device consisting of compressed air and a PIR detector. The home CCTV caught a lovely sequence of cat walking along wall, cat jumping into yard, cat getting a faceful of compressed air and promptly leaping a good seven feet straight up again.
That sorted out the “coming into the yard” bit, and when its owners took it to the vet for de-bollocking, the wandering was mostly sorted (although I think one of the local minicabs finished the job off some years later).
Ultrasonic cat deterrents also work, but the best fun is to be had with water jet devices. Search youtube for such videos if you fancy a laugh.
The only problem is that 99% of the trouble is indoors. Not only would it soak the place but I would inadvertently be training myself not to go indoors.
The only outdoor problem is when I find her stalking birds [and in particular, fledglings] on the lawn. Then I just heave a rock at her. She’s learning slowly.
If only our powers-that-be would accept de-bollocking as a good form of rehabilitation for the scrotes who plague our lives: surely it’s worth a trial run?