I wish I could travel back in time.
Though maybe that should be forward, as if I went back I would have to live the last month or so all over again. I wouldn’t want to do that.
A couple of months ago everything was fine. Some would have said my life was monotonous or even boring but I would have described it as comfortable, regular and cosy. But then the Universe shivered, or something and suddenly all sorts of things started happening, and few if any were pleasant.
It started quietly enough when my email suddenly and apparently became the target for every fucking spammer on the planet. Now this was trivial enough and I got used to deleting hundreds of mails every day, but it was the suddenness of the deluge that surprised me. And no, I don’t want a fucking $50 prize or bonus or whatever-the-fuck from Amazon.
Next the Family War broke out. That was a lot more serious of course and unfortunately that doesn’t have a Delete button. Over the weeks it has escalated into a full blown nuclear war, with the United Nations, NATO and The World Horseshoe Throwing Federation all involved. Frankly it makes those to idiots in America and Korea look like a couple of squabbling schoolkids [“Nyaa,nyaa! My rocket is bigger than your rocket!”].
The strangeness continued this morning. I was out of milk so a quick drive to the village was in order. I did my usual stunt of pissing down the road and swinging around the sharp bend only to find the tail end of a traffic jam blocking the road. This is strangeness indeed, as it has never happened before. There is no reason for traffic to be stopped there, but stopped it was. I stood on the brakes and stopped about three millimetres from the car in front. I then had to sit waiting for the next car to come flying around that bend knowing he or she wouldn’t have a prayer of stopping in time. But after about a minute, the traffic started to move again. No reason. No indication whatsoever as to why all the cars had stopped. Weird.
I got home and decided to check the post. I knew there was something there because the dog had barked at the postman and had woken me up at an ungodly hour.
There were two very large envelopes. The first was from Social Welfare. They had written a while back demanding all sorts of information about banks and other shit and I had sent them a massive load of printouts. This morning’s envelope was full of my printouts with the original letter they had sent. There was no included note as to why they had sent the lot, so I examined the pile and discovered there was one little box I hadn’t ticked. For fuck’s sake! Now I have to send the whole lot back again.
The other large envelope was addressed to me personally and even included my post code which I never use. It was from Australia. It was heavy. There was a note on the reverse side –
Sender: Headrambles.com Appreciation Society [Australian Chapter].
Wow! I didn’t know there was a Headrambles.com Appreciation Society, let alone a chapter in Australia.
It contained a magazine and a postcard. The first cheerful thing to come through the letterbox in months. I appreciate that and shall read the magazine from cover to cover. It will make a pleasant change from warring factions and the petty irritations in my current life.