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The Purple Ashtray

Head Rambles Posted on by

For some reason a lot of things are going arse over tit at the moment.

This site is the worst affected and since last week it has been failing every morning in the early hours.  I don’t know why but it goes off line for an hour or so and then comes back again.

And my broadband is acting strangely too.  It has developed a mind of its own and is running hot and cold for the last while.

A few things around the house have fallen apart also which is a bit of a bugger.

I’m not bothered though.  It looks like those two fuckwits in America and Korea are going to sort everything out for me shortly.  Why worry about a web site when it is about to be reduced to its constituent atoms any minute?

They say that a lot of people find religion when faced with their imminent demise.  I suppose I am no exception.  I have indeed found religion – I am now the founder of The Most Holy Order of the Purple Ashtray.  I held my first service yesterday in front of a devout congregation of two and a dog  [The cat was asleep upstairs].

As the nuclear fires fizzle across the planet from Guam I am confident that I shall rise on my heavenly ashtray and be transported to the planet Kepler-452b [along with my faithful followers] where smoking is encouraged and tobacco grows wild across the planet.

All are welcome to join.  All that is required is proof of non-membership of TC and a small donation equivalent to one year of your salary paid into my PayPal account [a painless thing as you won’t have a need for money after Armageddon].

High Priest

First High Priest of The Most Holy Order of the Purple Ashtray.

Apologies for the quality of the photograph. My congregation were so overcome with sanctity that they forgot to focus.

P.S.  All right.  I admit it.  I posted this for a bet!

 

 

Comments

The Purple Ashtray — 19 Comments

  1. I’d like to join.

    Unfortunately, I’m a bit strapped for cash at the moment, is it OK if I pay you next week (or next month, or next year or after Fat Boy Kim kicks off anyway)?

    • Those who do not pay cannot expect to be Saved and will be cast down amongst the demons, millennials and snowflakes.

      • You’re going to condemn me to eternal snowflakeism just because I’m poor? That’s not very Christian Purple of you, is it. 🙁

  2. Now I really have to wonder what kind of “baccy” you’re actually smoking–and whether I can have  some of it?

    And I’d love to become a member of The Most Holy Order of The Purple Ashtray but I don’t know what a TC is. The equivalent of one year’s salary isn’t a problem though since I don’t receive one. Not even an hourly wage. That makes the donation pretty easy doesn’t it?

  4. Yes Penny but who is that bloke in the purple housecoat?

    The war machine springs to life opens up one eager eye focussing it on the sky when the impoverished country that is North Korea somehow someway miniaturises the nuclear warhead the yankees say it has down to fit on its existing missiles which makes one wonder why the damn yankees didn’t think of it first and save themselves a fortune. We only have the military’s word these Armageddon devices will deliver Armageddon and they wouldn’t lie would they?

    I wouldn’t worry the last time a uk sub fired a trident it went the wrong or some would say the right way and flew back towards America before self destroying

  5. “The war machine springs to life opens up one eager eye focussing it on the sky”

    It was better in the original German (ie it made more sense )

     

     

  7. You must be a very charismatic and exciting religious leader, Gramps – even Penny’s woken up for your first sermon!

  8. I belong to “The Church of the Silver Lighter,” but we don’t wear funny clothes. So far there’s only myself and Zoro the dog and all efforts to entice my two kids into it have failed miserably. They say their devotions in the Church of Material Things and the faith is strong with those two.

    When I’ve taught Zoro to smoke on his own we’ll probably go on the missions and convert the masses. That’s the plan anyhow!

  10. Dear Grandad,

    I’m already a devotee – I read all your posts. The only thing which would be super-helpful for people who cannot think of a comment, or those, like me, that simply accept the Dogma and Creed of your Order of the Purple Ashtray blog – sorry –  MOST Holy Order of the Purple Ashtray blog, would be a ‘Like’ button. This would indicate to you that I had attended Mass!

    Liz

     

    • Don’t worry.  Being Omnipotent I know when you visit and appreciate it.  I did try a “like” button, but it caused some problems so I had to remove it again.

  11. I do like the wall hanging in the background! Alas, I’m afraid the purple ashtrays (purple?!) and subscription requirement preclude me from joining your little, er, coterie.

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