I came across an article the other day.
I’m not sure how I reached it but reach it I did.
My first thought was what the fuck is a bioethicist? It sounds to me like one of those makey-uppy names that people like to give themselves to boost their ego and make themselves sound more important, like an Eyebrow Engineer or Director of Car Parking Facilities. Whatever it is, I am none the wiser as even my old friend the Interweb seems a little confused. Someone who deals with the rights and wrongs of biological something?
Anyhows, who ever they are they seem to think that keeping pets is a bad idea. So presumably they don’t have any pets of their own and therefore know sweet fuck all about the benefits or drawbacks? An excellent start to their research project?
Personally, I cannot for the life of me understand what the problem is. Yes, there are areas that concern me such as puppy farms and people breeding dogs until they are grossly deformed [I’m looking at all you Bulldogs and Pugs out there], but on the whole I think pets do pretty well.
I decided to put my feelings to one side, as I consider myself to be slightly biassed, and to do the most sensible thing I could think of: to interview the animals. I am in an excellent position here as I can garner the views of both a cat and a dog.
I asked Penny if she thought she should live here or to have the right to self-determination. She was quite definite in her response. She said that self-determination was grossly overrated and that it only led to decisions and responsibilities that she was more than happy to forgo. She pointed out that she never had to hunt for food, as I feed her regularly every day and anyway, where else would she find a lovely soft warm dry bed to sleep on? In fact her only complaint there was that I frequently kicked her during the night as I tried to regain some of the comfort of my own bed. She summed up by stating that she had a warm, very comfortable house, with three or four couches to sleep on [when she wasn’t sleeping on my bed], regular food and as much affection as she could cope with. She would be insane to leave all that to live in the cold wet dangerous world outside.
I asked the cat for his thoughts on self-determination. He told me to stop fucking annoying him, and marched off to stuff his face with cat treats.
So should we keep animals as pets?
Very definitely [and that’s according to the pets].
Should we keep bioethicists?
Fuck that. They can go live in the woods with the bears.