I brought Penny to the vet the other day.
It was about time for her annual one mile service [she doesn’t like exercise so I had to lie about the distance she had covered in that time – it was nearer a hundred yards].
There is one feature of every visit to the vet – they always castigate me about her weight. I keep explaining to them that Penny’s greatest form of exercise is yawning and occasionally circling before settling down to sleep again. Even eating has become a waste of sleeping time and her latest trick is to bring a mouthful of dinner to bed so she can chew bits between naps.
Anyhows, I have been doing my best. I don’t give her little treats any more and while we were waiting for our appointments she eyed up a bull mastiff but I told her to chew on a Chihuahua instead but she was too lazy to get up and went back to sleep again.
Her name was called, so I woke her and dragged her into the surgery.
The vet was a girl I hadn’t met before, and she had another girl who was apparently a French trainee. I knew the latter was French because she hadn’t a word of English.
“Ah! A Lurcher!” says the vet.
“They say she’s a Lurcher” says I, “but I think she only inherited her head from the Lurcher. I think her daddy was a Newfoundland and she inherited its body.” I like to get my arguments in early before they start whining about her weight.
“Yes, she is a little out of proportion” says the vet. “Let’s weigh her.” I groaned.
She has apparently lost a couple of pounds since last year! Wonders will never cease. I don’t know how or where she lost them, but I can’t comment as I’m always losing my car keys.
The examination continued. The French girl was encouraged to examine her eyes [just how eyes should be apparently] and listen to her heart [a perfect heartbeat to judge all other dogs by] and peer into her ears [clean as a whistle]. All in all a perfect bill of health.
She had her injections [Penny, not the vet] and her nails clipped and that was that.
I congratulated Penny on her weight loss as we drove home. She wasn’t listening though.
She was fast asleep.