How to lose weight
I brought Penny to the vet the other day.
It was about time for her annual one mile service [she doesn’t like exercise so I had to lie about the distance she had covered in that time – it was nearer a hundred yards].
There is one feature of every visit to the vet – they always castigate me about her weight. I keep explaining to them that Penny’s greatest form of exercise is yawning and occasionally circling before settling down to sleep again. Even eating has become a waste of sleeping time and her latest trick is to bring a mouthful of dinner to bed so she can chew bits between naps.
Anyhows, I have been doing my best. I don’t give her little treats any more and while we were waiting for our appointments she eyed up a bull mastiff but I told her to chew on a Chihuahua instead but she was too lazy to get up and went back to sleep again.
Her name was called, so I woke her and dragged her into the surgery.
The vet was a girl I hadn’t met before, and she had another girl who was apparently a French trainee. I knew the latter was French because she hadn’t a word of English.
“Ah! A Lurcher!” says the vet.
“They say she’s a Lurcher” says I, “but I think she only inherited her head from the Lurcher. I think her daddy was a Newfoundland and she inherited its body.” I like to get my arguments in early before they start whining about her weight.
“Yes, she is a little out of proportion” says the vet. “Let’s weigh her.” I groaned.
She has apparently lost a couple of pounds since last year! Wonders will never cease. I don’t know how or where she lost them, but I can’t comment as I’m always losing my car keys.
The examination continued. The French girl was encouraged to examine her eyes [just how eyes should be apparently] and listen to her heart [a perfect heartbeat to judge all other dogs by] and peer into her ears [clean as a whistle]. All in all a perfect bill of health.
She had her injections [Penny, not the vet] and her nails clipped and that was that.
I congratulated Penny on her weight loss as we drove home. She wasn’t listening though.
She was fast asleep.
That’s a real…um…interesting dog you have there. Just loads of entertainment isn’t she? That could be good thing though since having an energetic, just full of fun type dog at this time of your life might be a bit too wearing on the body and soul? Mostly the body actually? 😉
By the way, do you have any pictures of Penny actually awake?
I have just trawled the photo archives but can’t find any. They are an extreme rarity.
Herself has one on her Farcebook page, but you know that as you commented on it!
Penny is adorable. Just look at that cute pic! She sound like the perfect pet, too – all the advantages of having a dog (because she is one), but all the advantages of having a cat, too, because she behaves just like one!
Penny has just two small flaws. She insists on dumping crap all over the front driveway gravel which means everyone has to do a wee dance when they come in, and she insists on sleeping on my bed so we spend the night fighting for space. Haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in years.