I am not in the best of moods today.
I got up this morning to find that half my web sites were down. It was an indicator of things to come.
The sites came back up of their own accord but the damage was done and I was in a bad mood. Then to add insult to injury, along came The Fly.
I should explain that the room I am in is quite a large one. There is a large kitchen and a large sitting area and it’s all open plan, so there is quite a large volume of air. I was sitting here, quietly cursing at life and bitching about my keyboard which still refuses to type certain letters so I have to keep correcting stuff, when this fly lands on my arm.
Flies don’t bother me normally unless I swallow one when when I am asleep. So I flicked at the little fucker and he flew off. As I explained, there is more than enough room in here for myself, the dog and an errant fly to coexist in perfect harmony.
But for some unknown reason, this cunt of a fly has decided to keep me company and is insisting on orbiting my head, landing on my arm and crawling all over my laptop screen. With all that space to bugger off to, why the fuck does he insist on hanging around my spot? Has he fallen in love with me? Do I have some kind of magnetic attraction? Does he not realise he’s not my type?
I have tried swatting him, but as usual, he’s too fast. I tried smoking him out of it by pumping my pipe up to full volume but the smoke seems to attract him even more. I have to grant him the intelligence to know that pipe smoke is harmless and actually quite aromatic, which is more than can be said about the Bovine Masses out there.
I dug out an old and rather large can of fly spray that we brought back from France many years ago. I laid down a cloud of spray, but the little shit just few to the other end of the room until the spray had settled. The only ones affected were myself and the dog who gave me very strange looks.
He’s back again. He is still treating my arm as his own little spot where he rests before orbiting my head again.
I give up. He’ll eventually die of old age.