Living in Cloud Cuckoo Land
The drought is finally over.
Some say it’s the longest drought since records began, having been running for nearly two weeks.
Anyways, yesterday I called into the shop and asked if my Condor had arrived, and they apologised and said it was definitely on order and should be in the next day. Now I have been hearing that for the duration of the drought and went home feeling somewhat despondent.
Naturally in my despondency, I had forgotten to buy fags for Herself so I had to go out again. Herself with no fags is not a wonder you would wish to behold.
This time I went to Local Shop and asked for her stash. “Do you want your Condor as well?” says the young lad behind the counter [They know me well].
Fuck me but there it was – a new supply of Condor. Manna from Heaven! The drought is over!
Rumour had had it that the delay was caused by their having to make new 30g packs to satisfy those cunts in Tobacco Control, but the new supply was the same old 25g size. However, they have changed the design and this is presumably the cause of the absence.
The Old and the New
Now the question is whether this is the new “plain pack” or not. The back of the pack is equally plastered with more porn and more dire warnings, but if this is as far as they are going then I am more than happy as I can still see clearly which brand I am getting and can also pick it out at a distance. What’s more, I think a little splash of colour to add to the green enhances the appearance somewhat?
Anyhows, I expressed delight that the packs were in and said I was even more pleased that they were using my favourite image, even though they seem to have gotten the mistaken impression that a pipe should look like a cigarette.
The lad behind the counter wasn’t so sure though. He pulled out another pack that showed a dismembered limb or something and asked if that didn’t put me off. I told him that it didn’t bother me in the least. After all, I have been ignoring the images for years and a change in size is hardly going to make me step back in horror.
Do they honestly expect me to recoil in shock at a picture of an infant smoking pipe tobacco in a cigarette stuck in a soother?
If that’s their idea of something persuasive then they really are living in their own little fantasy land.
You know, there’s a simple answer to this plain packaging bollocks, and all it takes is a little bit of lateral thinking and a spot of simple chemistry.Packets of ciggies are sold packed in cellophane, with the opening strip going around the middle. The trademark and all the health warning bollocks is printed on the packet, but the law states that all of this plus plain packaging must exist at the point of sale.So, firstly you print all of this on the cellophane wrapper, with a normal ciggie packet under all of this.Secondly, you rotate the direction of the opening strip by 90 degrees, so it runs top to bottom on the packet. When you open the packet under this scheme, you have to rip off all the cellophane to get at the ciggies.When you do this, the plain packaging and health porn gets ripped off with the cellophane, leaving the proper packet underneath visible. As this all happens after the ciggies have been bought, the law cannot care (although the nannying fuckwits most certainly will care, extremely noisily, too.Thus the law can be obeyed AND the health morons annoyed all in one go.
Nice thought, but you’re forgetting we’re dealing with health nazis’ propaganda, not with consumer information in a democracy.
##Member States shall ensure that the health warnings on a unit packet and any outside packaging are irremovably printed, indelible and fully visible, including not being partially or totally hidden or interrupted by tax stamps, price marks, security features, wrappers, jackets, boxes, or other items, when tobacco products are placed on the market##
The above is quoted from the Directive https://ec.europa.eu/health/sites/health/files/tobacco/docs/dir_201440_en.pdf
Of course, there’s an easy way out of this BS: personally, when I receive an order of pipe tobacco/cigars, I spend 5-10 min to remove the stickers where possible. If they are printed on, then I just use a black marker pen to cross out all the propaganda. Another option is to transfer the content in non branded 50g or 100g tins (which can be bought for £1-2 apiece) or airtight jars.
My baccy goes straight into a leather pouch and the original goes in the bin where it belongs. [The non-recycling bin, naturally as I wouldn’t want it reused in any shape or form.]
##Member States shall ensure that the health warnings blah blah defuckinblah
and yet the entire packet covered in pathologist porn is then hidden, concealed and removed in it’s entirety from sight by the sliding panzer steel, lead lined, blast doors?
Joined up thinking at it’s finest…when the bomb drops, the cockroaches are going be so pleased they can still get their B&H. We may all die in the Nuclear Winter but the cigarettes will be safer than those government officials hidiing in their bunkers.
They should put a bonnier picture on the new govt-approved packet. https://memegenerator.net/Pipe-Baby
Damn! I remember my Dad taking that photograph. He was so proud of me.
Last year, terrified that one day the tobacco supply will suddenly cease, I grew some Nicotiana in my garden. They smell lovely at night, and I saved the leaves and dried them in my greenhouse. They probably have a very low nicotine content, but I found puffing them in my pipe quite pleasant and reassuring. Trouble is, they smell just like a bonfire. I would welcome info on ways of making them smell like proper tobacco.