There is something very strange going on.
For the last couple of weeks I have been inundated with emails. They usually arrive in pairs [just like buses] and I have gotten used to seeing a little message pop up on my screen – you have 2 new mails – and have learned to ignore them. They all come from different people but the subjects seem to have some commonality of purpose, in that they all seem to think I need a narrow range of services.
The vast majority of the mails are health related. They implore me to examine how Christina Aguilera lost 20lbs, which is of no fucking interest to me whatsoever, seeing as I don’t even know who Christina Aguilera is and nor do I care. They also breathlessly want to show me a video to learn how I am about to have a heart attack. They offer cures for Alzheimer’s and insomnia. They brad about a “smart pill” that increases brain power and even cite Donald Trump as a satisfied customer [a bit of an own goal?] They also want me to read all about walk-in tubs for some strange reason.
One of the most common though is one dramatically announcing that there is a brand new treatment for Tinnitus, developed by the Mayo Clinic no less. Now I have checked with the Mayo Clinic and they have never heard of this treatment [which could be indicative of a hearing problem?], so are they a different Mayo Clinic somewhere over in Westport?. What I would like to know is why these people are so concerned about my hearing? I never search online on the subject, and rarely mention it here. Yes – I have Tinnitus but it doesn’t bother me so I don’t bother it. I’m used to it at this stage.
I got a letter this morning.
There it was, lying in a pool of rainwater that had seeped in under the front door, all nicely addressed to me personally.
I opened it.
It started off – “As a valued customer of Advance Hearing …. ” Now I have never been a customer of theirs, nor do I intend to be, but they are really excited about a brand new hearing aid that have been developed especially “for patients like me”. Apparently this new hearing aid allows me to stream music directly into my ears which is something I definitely don’t want – I like silence. They are even offering me 30% off as a valued customer, and an “on site” repair service which presumably means they come out and stick screwdrivers and volt meters in to my ear?
So what is the new obsession with my health, and in particular with my hearing? Does the world know something that I don’t?
I really am getting tired of all this.
Do you hear me?