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Big Nanny loses the plot

Head Rambles Posted on by

Hello!  Is this the right number for Big Tobacco?

Er, you have reached the offices of Philip Morris and we do manufacture tobacco products.  Who is this?

This is Tobacco Control Industry here and we have a few demands.

Is this a wind up?

No.  First of all, we insist that you support governments in their efforts to make smoking unaffordable so that people are forced to stop buying your product.

You’re kidding!  Right?

No.  Next we want you to make your packaging as unattractive as possible so people will stop buying it.  We will supply our carefully crafted images and tell you exactly what you can print.

But people won’t be able to see their favourite brand on the shelves…….

Wait!  Stop interrupting.  We haven’t finished yet.  You are to stop suing us in court.  We must have free rein to dictate your business.

But……!

And we insist that you tell people that your products are disgusting and are killing children.

Hold on now….!

We want you to stop arguing and we want you to encourage laws and regulations that will put you out of business.

Is this Candid Camera?

We want you to inform the world how you fill cigarettes with battery acid, embalmed bodies and rat droppings.

But we don’t….

And finally we insist that your company joins our industry in a comprehensive attack on your products to help us put you out of business for good.

But that is illogical and financial suicide!

We don’t care.  We hate you and we demand that you join our campaign to put you out of business.

 

 

Comments

Big Nanny loses the plot — 15 Comments

  1. Unfortunately that is almost certainly a forgery. In reality all Big Tobacco said was ‘of course, Master. Will you please arse fuck us now too?’

    No I’m neither a fan of Big T (nor even bigger TCI) but ,unlike the claims of the Tobacco control industry, I don’t blame Big Tobacco for my ‘misery’ [sic]. Neither do i blame them for ‘abandoning’ smokers. What I do blame them for is their appalling lack of concern, their lack of duty of care, towards their staff and share holders and their sociopathic hate of ‘Small Tobacco’. Even 20 years ago Big T could  have killed the TCI stone dead or at least mortally wounded them. Ten years ago they could have stopped Einheits packs/Victory brand in it’s tracks. Now even if independent science were to PROVE beyond all doubt that smoking actually prolonged active life and prompted a glossy coat, it would make no difference.

    Big T could have come up with a Black (Lungs)Ops department and buried ASH etc.  Instead they gimped out.

     

    • It has always baffled me that the tobacco companies just lay down and died when TC came along.  Did they just assume TC was a flash in the pan?  Did they hope TC would get bored and just go away?  It’s a bit late now that the propaganda has taken hold and the whole world now thinks of Big Tobacco as The Evil Empire, when they are just a business manufacturing a product, like any other business.  Baffling!

  2. The mind keeps boggling.

    Is there any other area in which such madness as that of TC reigns unchecked? Is there any other area where an industry is “asked” to destroy itself?

    What a strange world we live in. Getting stranger every day.

    • “any other area where an industry is “asked” to destroy itself?”

      If it were merely asking it might not be so obscene, these are DEMANDS which are or will be backed up by political pressure and Mums Net.

      And those at Big Alcohol HQ and Big Sugar ( “the new tobacco” don’t you know?) who still think the Angel Of Public Heath will ‘pass over’ them if they daub the right messages in their blood on the company doorposts would do well to learn from the mistakes/cowardice of Big Tobacco. By all the ‘normal’ rules of business Big Alki should have fought the Smoking Verbot tooth and nictoine stained nail. At least in the UK there is now a grudging admission sometimes that the Smoking Ban may , just may, have played a role (not the sole cause of course, not even the major cause) in the closure of 1600+ pubs since 2007.

       

        • 16,000 pubs – how many jobs?  And all because of the mythical properties of a wisp of smoke?   People in the future are going to look back at this period and scratch their heads in wonder.

    • … while across the Pond, Death Row inmates are refused cigarettes because it’s “bad for their health”!

    • Hah!  There are times when I could almost be tempted to learn to swim.  Mind you – difficult to hold your breath and snort at the same time?

    • That ‘member of the public’ who found the stash … how did he know what it was? And wouldn’t it be self-incriminating to admit to having recognised it?

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