There is currently a police manhunt in Kerry.
Aha, I hear you thinking, are they helping Turkish police in the hunt for the nightclub shooter? Was there a mass breakout of murderers from the local gaol? Was there a multi-million security van heist?
Well, no. The man they are seeking “fled the scene of a crash”.
So there must have been a pretty high body count to initiate a manhunt?
Well, again no. Apparently there was no one else involved. The car just crashed into a wall.
So why the manhunt?
Now this is where we get to the real crime. When the driver left the scene he [or she?] left behind an empty bottle of vodka!
I didn’t know it was a crime to have empty bottles in a car. I must confess I am heinously guilty of this crime myself as I occasionally drive down to the bottle bank myself with all Herself’s gin bottles, empty or otherwise. Though having an empty bottle in a car can sometimes be a lifesaver. Anyone who has ever been stuck in a traffic jam on the M50 with a bladder fit to burst will know the value of a piss-bottle?
But then it struck me.
There is no such thing as an empty bottle of vodka!
If a bottle is empty, then it can be an empty bottle of anything. It could have contained Holy Water [vodka?], or petrol or even piss, but whatever it used to contain, it is now empty and is therefore just an empty bottle. I presume that because there is a Smirnoff lable on the bottle that it once did indeed contain vodka, so technically it’s an empty vodka bottle, which is not only a different kettle of mushrooms but grammatically correct into the bargain.
So it must be the Grammar Police who are involved in the manhunt and not the usual Guardians of the Peace
But be warned – it contains an image of the Grammatically Incorrect Bottle.
Definitely Not Safe For Work.