We are coming to that time of year when a lot of Americans celebrate Patty's Day as can be seen by the proliferation of the Twitter "hashtag" #pattysday which flows in abundance around this time.
I had never heard of this phenomenon until a few years ago, and I find it very strange? Is it somehow related to Pancake Tuesday I asked myself?
I checked Webster's, and sure enough patty is in there and is defined as "a little pie" or "a small flat cake of chopped food" or indeed as "a small flat candy". So why in the name of all that's holy would anyone want to dedicate a day to a little pie?
I decided to do some research.
Indeed there is [or was] a Patty. He was born in the Shires in England, back in the fifteenth century [actual date and location unknown] and was quite unremarkable as a child. As he grew into adulthood though things started to go wrong for him. He found he had no interest in the fairer sex [or indeed the other sex] and had an unnatural predilection for young children and in particular young boys. He was frequently to be spotted patting little boys and girls on the head [or the arse] which may have been the origin of his name
He would groom his victims, bring them into the nearby woods on the promise of some pies [an alternative possible origin of his name?] whereupon he would give them a right buggering, or rogering as we call it in these parts. He was frequently accompanied by his only adult friend Porn, who would proceed to sketch Patty in full exquisitely detailed action and would then sell his sketches in the local taverns [He called them Pornographs, which would eventually become quite a thriving industry].
Naturally Patty was eventually caught and on the 17th of March he was hanged drawn and quartered and his balls rammed down his throat.
So to this day, he is widely celebrated on the anniversary of his death by paedophiles, perverts and a lot of clergy, so If ever you see someone on Twitter refer to Patty's Day, well, you know what kind of person you're dealing with!
Patty's Day has fuck all to do with Paddy's Day though.
That's a completely different thing.