A business preposition

I received an email yesterday.

Gratefulness for your business with our team. We rated your conceptions in interaction and growth with profitable conditions to both of us. There are several points of the arrangement we spoke the day before yesterday in the appositional documentation. Please check it out. After your acceptance we will confer other parts.
We're awaiting your answer.
IUD interprise

An hour later, I received another.

Thanks for your business with our team. We rated your notices in cooperation and development with profitable positions to both of us. There are some of paragraphs of the accommodation we spoke today in the attached materials. Please watch it. After your confirmation we will discuss other particulars.
We're looking forward to your answer.
IUD inc.

Now I'm not too sure that IUD interprise [or IUD inc. for that matter] is into.  Improvised Unexploded Devices?  Irish Union of Drinkers?  I shudder to think that it might be the obvious.

They seem to be quite a large interprise as the first letter came from Australia while the second came from Spain which impressed me.

Naturally I was intrigued at this major business opportunity so I replied.

Halo.

Multiple benedictions for your communications.  I am indeed glad of thought that felicitous positions may be achievable.  Unfathomably I cannot recall any confabulations between us but would love to spoke further.  Could you please re-scribe?

I am clutched that the appositional document may imagineably contain some genesis for worry, but I am incapable for opening them as they are .scr files which you may be cognisant are screensaver flies, and I do not intention to linger for half an hour for them to materialise on my composter before I can pursue them.  Could you happily send them as text flies?

Could you also please inflame me as to the natural of your enterprise? Do you seriously construct applications for plugging females?

I am extremely expiated at the prospection of doing business with you and look forward to propositioning your other parts.

Please require soon.

Grandad.   

I am quite excited at this prospect and I really hope nothing comes of it.

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Comments

A business preposition — 11 Comments

  1. Inter Uterine Device could be worse they might of called themselves Improvised Explosive Device…mind doesn't the former protect from the latter!

     

  2. They don't appear to have asked for your bank details, but that will come at a later stage of the discussions about "profitable positions for both of us" I expect. May you continue to have exquisite business confabulations.

    • I would imagine that IF I was using Windoze and IF I was stupid enough to unzip their attachments and IF I was insane enough to run the contents, they would now have my bank details [and every other detail come to think of it].

  3. I must commend you on your enviable ability to write a concise business letter, GD. I'm sure IUD interprise will be beside themselves with joy at your response, and will answer at the very soonest! Be assured that the investment will pay you handsomely, and in years to come you will see it as the best few thousand Euros you ever spent. Or not, as the case may be.

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