Saving the World

There used to be a custom where motorists hung a St Christopher medallion from their rear view mirrors.

St Christopher was the patron saint of travelers [people who traveled, not itinerants] and it was considered that old Chris would always guide them on the right path.  In fact he was the original SatNav before SatNavs were invented.

Then one of the popes decided to do a clearing out of saints and poor old St Christopher was demoted to just Chris.  No one is quite sure why this happened, though my theory is that it was just a spot of Celestial Downsizing where they decided to just pension off a few to cut on wages.  Of course, within a week, all motorists who had been relying on their medallions to guide them drove off cliffs, into rivers and into concrete walls because their Devine SatNav suddenly ceased to work.

The WHO is trying the same trick.

They have decided to eliminate a whole moxy load of diseases.  Their rationale is simple – any disease name which may offend someone has to go.

Naturally Ebola gets the axe, as the people who live by the Ebola River in Africa are highly offended.  German Measles of course has to go for obvious reasons.  Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease is a goner too as there are quite a few Creutzfeldts and Jakobs who are in high dudgeon at their names being slighted.  Legionaires will be quite happy with the move also.

It's quite an ingenious ploy as probably the majority of ailments from Athlete's Foot [poor athletes] to the Black Death are named after people or places so the majority have to go.  There was a rumour that the Black Death is to just be renamed Person of African Descent Death but they decided to just scrap it instead, as it would still offend all Africa.

The problem now is that millions of people died from these diseases in the past.  Now that the diseases have been eradicated are all those millions to be resurrected or will the authorities just change the death certificates to "cause unknown"?

The WHO are of course delighted with their little ploy.  Basically the only disease they have to worry about now is the Common Cold.

They can now concentrate all their efforts on curing us of diseases we haven't yet caught or which haven't been invented yet.

Just as a by the by, is there anyone out there of a very sensitive nature called Tinnitus?

 

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Comments

Saving the World — 11 Comments

  1. My Grandfather died of Lympho-Sarcoma (cancer of the Lymph nodes) but of course since sarcoma means cancer we can't posssibly call it that.  No, today it's called Lymphoma because cancer is a bad bad word.  PC assholes!

     

    • We must recognise that there are people out there with very finely balanced sensibilities.  The golden rule is NO ONE CAN BE OFFENDED.  Personally I find the WHO quite offensive so they should be eradicated too.

  2. Is this for real?… It brings me certain joy to know this is the downward spiral for our civilation rather than the high point

  3. We must take action to protect all people who are sensitive to any slight no matter if real, or if it is just in their own infallible minds. Such people must be carefully wrapped in cotton gauze, securely taped so it cannot come loose. Alternate warping material shall be provided to those "allergic" to cotton. 

    A second layer of bubble wrap shall then be applied followed by sound absorbent foam. This cocoon will be lowered in to metal drum and sealed to prevent any disparaging words, sounds, or sights from reach them. The drum shall be carefully placed deep underground, perhaps an abandon mine shaft, and back filled with concrete to prevent reality from ever impinging on their world views. 

    I realize this maybe expensive, but I also anticipate no shortage of volunteers who will be glad to assist in "protecting" such sensitive individuals. 

  4. I'm looking forward to a Bakewell tart for dessert – how long before the young ladies of Derbyshire become offended?

  5. "Basically the only disease they have to worry about now is the Common Cold."

    Oy!!  Who're you calling Common??!  That's it!  I'm offended now – I'm going back off to Greenham …. 😉

  6. I don't anyone by the name of Tinnitus but I certainly have it. In fact, if it wasn't for my hearing aids that's all I would ever "hear". Thousands of screaming little whiners, each one with it's own particular frequency. Kind of like people, you know?

    I also had Rheumatic fever when I was a kid but I don't know anyone that goes by that name of Rheu or even Rheum for that matter although I've known a few Fevers in my time (Febvre and various other spellings) and only one of those was offensive (he rarely bathed). But I don't suppose that's the same thing?

    A disease by any other name is still a disease. So, by that definition, is Alzheimer's (named after Alois Alzheimer) now going to be called something like WRDKWTHII disease (We Really Don't Know What The Hell It Is)?

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