I caught a bug last week.
This was a bit of a novel experience as since I left work I haven't really had any kind of health that might feasibly be called ill. Every winter Doc used to ask if I want the flu-jab but he knew I would refuse so he hasn't even bothered offering lately.
I got up on Wednesday. Everything was fine and dandy, when suddenly at around one in the afternoon I sneezed. It was a brilliant sneeze – one of those that sends the dog scurrying for cover and has Herself running to see what the noise is all about.
I wiped the snots off my keyboard and blew my nose, and then I realised something was wrong. My nose was still stuffed and my eyes were beginning to water. Sure enough, within the hour I was sneezing constantly, the nose was running like a tap, I had a headache, sore throat, aches and pains all over and was freezing one minute and roasting the next.
I ignored it.
Well, I ignored it as much as possible but my nose kept dripping on the keyboard and I had to keep wiping down the screen so I decided to do other things instead of writing tripe.
By nighttime I was actually ready to go to bed early. I contemplated medicating myself with a few concentrated whiskies but decided that maybe one headache in the morning would be enough to contend with.
The following morning nothing had changed. My pillow was soaked, either from my runny eyes or my runny nose, I'm not sure which. The throat was still raw and I was still sneezing like the clappers.
Around one, I got one of those tickley sensations. You know the ones where you want to sneeze but it won't come? They say to look at a bright light to bring on a sneeze – I don't know why it works, but it does, so I switched on a light and looked straight at it and sure enough, the sneeze arrived. It was a real belter. I swear I shifted some tiles on the roof.
And that was it.
No sore throat. Nose clear and dry with not even a tickle. No aches or pains. Nothing.
I have heard of the 24-hour flu, but that was ridiculous.
I could have set my watch by it.