As some of you may remember, I had cause to spend some time last week in one of our major hospitals.

As I was constantly reminded by their hectoring little hidden loudspeakers, the grounds as well as the buildings are all declared a “non smoking area”.  I’m delighted to say that people completely ignored that and smokers were puffing away everywhere.  Not that I am delighted at the sight of people smoking, just at their attitude to the holier than thou hectoring.

Anyhows, as I knew I would be spending long periods in the building I brought along my electrofag, just in case I felt the urge.

I never used it.

I have a few problems with electrofags and I can’t see any way around them.  The first is the taste.  I enjoy my pipe for its flavour and aroma.  These are completely absent in the electrofags.  I have tried various flavours of liquid and none of them comes close to pipe tobacco.  They all just taste a little sticky and sweet.

Another small problem with them is this trick of pressing a button to get a puff out of them.  It makes me feel like I’m playing some kind of flute or something and just feels strange.  I suppose the upside to that is that I don’t have to fiddle around with lighters which in itself would be a massive bonus.

I don’t know whether it’s my imagination or not but I always seem to develop a bit of a sore throat after an electrofag session.  It does definitely leave me with a bit of an oily taste in my mouth and a slightly sickly stomach.

There was a programme on the other night on BBC where they “investigated” electrofags.  The item was full of the usual crap they pump out about cigarettes [kills half of all smokers, contains arsenic formaldehyde and cancer.  What?  Cancer is an ingredient in cigarettes?] and the presenter admitted at the outside that he was biased and full of preconceptions.  They did a small series of tests on lung capacity, carbon monoxide levels and compared smokers with electrofag users.  I noted with interest that they showed the electrofag user puffing into a spirometer, whereas the cigarette smoker was placed behind a screen!

Naturally their results showed that electrofags give off far fewer chemicals and that “second hand vapour” is non-existent, but that didn’t stop the presenter – he has a “gut feeling” that because cigarettes are so harmful there must be “hidden dangers lurking in e-cigarettes”.  I got the distinct feeling he was somewhat uncomfortable when it was pointed out to him that nicotine addiction was the same as caffeine addiction.  He didn’t want to hear that.

In his summary, the presenter lets rip with all his prejudices though.  He can’t help but feel that electrofags will “normalise the consumption of nicotine” [whatever that means].  He trots out an “example” [i.e. hearsay] of an eleven year old trying a vape.  He cites the BMA as being in favour of a ban in public places.  He says “we need to be very cautious about anything that makes it easier to consume an addictive substance like nicotine”.  [I presume then that he would want to ban instant coffee?].

I got the feeling that when he gave his thumbs up to the electrofag that it was with great reluctance and that he was mentally promising himself fifty lashes of the whip for uttering such a heresy.

One way or another though, I think I’ll stick with the pipe.