Car lights and their uses in Ireland:
Indicators. The purpose of indicators in Ireland is to indicate what you are doing, and not what you intend to do. For example, if you intend to turn right at a crossroads you wait in the middle of the road [thereby giving the impression you are lost and may take any exit on a whim] and only when you are moving again and half-way off the crossroads do you start to indicate.
An alternative use of indicator lights is to leave them flashing at all times. You can then claim off the insurance when some poor bastard pulls out of a side road thinking you were turning. Either side flashing is good but nearside is preferable.
Hazard lights. These are never ever used in a hazardous situation. Their function is to indicate that you have parked, blocking the main road and that you have gone to buy the paper and will be back within the next half hour. They are a free pass to park wherever the fuck you like.
Headlights. These are to be used at all times during daylight hours. They should preferably be adjusted to face oncoming traffic.
Dipped Headlights. What are they?
Sidelights. These are to be used at night instead of headlights.
Fog lights. These are to be used at night in conjunction with sidelights. They should be adjusted as per headlights. They are NEVER EVER to be used in foggy conditions.
Brake lights. These are to be used prolifically. Particularly at night and at junctions, keep your foot on the brake pedal to bathe the driver behind in a nice bright red glow.
Internal rooflight. To be used solely by the driver for use at night when putting on make-up, reading the paper etc.