We had an orange alert last night.
Wow! An Orange Alert!!
The weather forecasters were having conniptions last night, and were all but telling us to build an ark or two.
I went to bed expecting to wake with the bed floating on a vast sea with no sign of land in any direction.
I woke this morning to find the stone step outside the back door was wet.
I love these alerts. I love 'em mainly because no one seems to have a fucking clue what they are about.
According to the Irish Meteorological Office Yellow means "Be Aware". Be aware of what? The twats in power spend their time having "awareness days" so is it something to do with that? Are we to be aware that there may be weather?
Orange means "Be Prepared". I have no problem with that as I was once in the Boy Scouts so I have my little knife hanging off my belt that has a little screwdriver, a torch and that obligatory thing for removing stones from Boy Scouts' hooves.
Red means "Take Action", but they don't say what action. Am I to rush to the shops and lay in stocks of baked beans and candles? Am I to kiss my arse goodbye?
So from what I can gather, Orange means it's worse than Yellow but not as bad as Red, which is very comforting to know.
Naturally this weird Alert System has its dubious origins in the depths of the EU which really explains everything. It is part of their goal to "standardise Europe" or something. Fucking idiots.
I see it has started to rain again.
I can tell you from firsthand observation that the drops aren't orange. They aren't red, or yellow or even green.
They are just rain coloured.