Keep taking the tablets

I came across one of those pointless surveys last night.

Always-on world making people happier, survey claims

Always on what?  Always on Facebook?  Always on Twitter?  Always on Prozac?

Personally I find the concept of the Interweb making me happier as rather weird.  I have gained a lot from it, there is no denying but to claim it made me happier is stretching things a bit.  I have spent holidays in places with no Interweb and they were very happy holidays.  Likewise I know a few miserable people who have Interweb access, but maybe they are just doing it wrong?  Like me?

They claim that 86% of people now have access to a portable Interweb enabled device?  Quite possible.  I have a mobile phone which can connect but I have never ever used that aspect of it and quite honestly I'm not sure I would know how.  I suppose technically I have access to my laptop which is portable but is rarely ported.  Leastwise that 86% is another figure I would take with a pinch of salt.

The number of people using tablets has risen to 1.4 million?  That I would say is an underestimate.  This is such a miserable fucking country that I would imagine twice that number are on the Prozac or Valium but just aren't admitting to it?  Or do they mean those horrible plastic chopping-boards that people keep waving about?

I cannot understand the fascination with those flat yokes.  No one ever asked for them but the companies started making 'em and then convinced a gullible public that their lives wouldn't be complete without them.  And of course people fell for the scam and they are now the de rigueur fashion accessory to be waved in the air at all conceivable occasions.  I am quite happy and confident to state that I will never own one, as I have enough problems with my slidey screen mobile phone to last a lifetime.

And who coined the expression "smart phone"?  I can never get my screen to slide the way I want it to and can spend hours trying to find the little icon thing that I want.  And if I make a telephone call the fucking screen goes blank and I therefore have no way of hanging up after.  If I ever reach your voicemail thing, you'll know it was me as you'll hear me screaming abuse and invective at it, telling it to hang the fuck up.  One thing my phone isn't is smart.

Technology is fine.  It's grand for downloading things and for looking up things.  It's very handy for keeping my computer clock accurate but I wouldn't say it makes me happy.

If I want to be happy, I'll get myself a tablet.

And I don't mean one of those fucking Pad things.

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Keep taking the tablets — 4 Comments

  1. "This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember, all I'm offering is the truth – nothing more."

    Substitute "red pill" with tablet and there you have it.

    It's exactly the same over here.

    • You take the blue pill but it has the side effect of causing headaches.

      You take a red pill for the headaches but they cause nausea.

      You take a yellow pill for the nausea but that causes dizziness.

      You take a green pill for the dizziness but that causes depression.

      You take a blue pill for the depression…………….

      • Apologies that should have been the other way round… blue instead of red. Wish I could pay attention to the crap I write.

        As for your rainbow of pills which really does sum up modern day treatments to a T, do you reveal yourself to be a General Practitioner?

        • Me?  A GP?  Hah!  No chance.  Even Doc only trained as a vet [animal doctor – he's never been to Viet Nam, in case our Stateside friends are wondering]. 

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