I came across one of those pointless surveys last night.
Always on what? Always on Facebook? Always on Twitter? Always on Prozac?
Personally I find the concept of the Interweb making me happier as rather weird. I have gained a lot from it, there is no denying but to claim it made me happier is stretching things a bit. I have spent holidays in places with no Interweb and they were very happy holidays. Likewise I know a few miserable people who have Interweb access, but maybe they are just doing it wrong? Like me?
They claim that 86% of people now have access to a portable Interweb enabled device? Quite possible. I have a mobile phone which can connect but I have never ever used that aspect of it and quite honestly I'm not sure I would know how. I suppose technically I have access to my laptop which is portable but is rarely ported. Leastwise that 86% is another figure I would take with a pinch of salt.
The number of people using tablets has risen to 1.4 million? That I would say is an underestimate. This is such a miserable fucking country that I would imagine twice that number are on the Prozac or Valium but just aren't admitting to it? Or do they mean those horrible plastic chopping-boards that people keep waving about?
I cannot understand the fascination with those flat yokes. No one ever asked for them but the companies started making 'em and then convinced a gullible public that their lives wouldn't be complete without them. And of course people fell for the scam and they are now the de rigueur fashion accessory to be waved in the air at all conceivable occasions. I am quite happy and confident to state that I will never own one, as I have enough problems with my slidey screen mobile phone to last a lifetime.
And who coined the expression "smart phone"? I can never get my screen to slide the way I want it to and can spend hours trying to find the little icon thing that I want. And if I make a telephone call the fucking screen goes blank and I therefore have no way of hanging up after. If I ever reach your voicemail thing, you'll know it was me as you'll hear me screaming abuse and invective at it, telling it to hang the fuck up. One thing my phone isn't is smart.
Technology is fine. It's grand for downloading things and for looking up things. It's very handy for keeping my computer clock accurate but I wouldn't say it makes me happy.
If I want to be happy, I'll get myself a tablet.
And I don't mean one of those fucking Pad things.