Your local Councillor has the answer

There is a town in the suburbs of Dublin.

Some spell it 'Dun Laoghaire'.  Some spell it 'Dun Laoire' An English uncle used to insist on calling it 'Done Lag Ear'.  In fact it is usually pronounced 'Dun Leary', though it's never spelt that way.  That's what passes for normality in this country.

I never particularly liked the place.  As a kid, it was the departure point for the Mail Boat to Holyhead, which was kind of exciting but in later years it became a reasonable place to shop as there were a couple of good shopping centres in the middle of town and they had good parking.  It was one of those places where you could invariably find what you were looking for.

Then the local Council stepped in.

They decided that the town needed a bit of jizzing up so they all but closed the main street, cobble-locked the whole place and tried to make it "pedestrian friendly".

There was one slight drawback to this plan.  While they virtually eliminated traffic from the town centre, they overlooked the trivial fact that there were no real alternative routes, or certainly no routes that didn't involve narrow roads and nasty bottlenecks.  As a result the place ground to a standstill.

It has been like that for a few years now.  Shops have closed at a phenomenal rate, partly because of the recession, partly due to the staggering rates levied by the Council and partly from lack of people who by now were wisely shopping elsewhere, where they can gain access and park their cars.

The Council has come up with an ingenious plan.

They are going to jizz up the place.  Again.

I haven't a clue how they intend to go about this, and frankly nor have they.  What they do know is that they are going to impose a heavy extra "levy" on to of the already exorbitant rates to pay for whatever it is that they don't know what they are doing.

Naturally the shopkeepers, who are already paying these massive rates and who have no customers because of the Council's grand schemes, say they can't and won't pay.

Maybe they'll turn all the vacant shops into "Heritage Centres"?  The powers that be seem to love those.

Maybe they'll declare the place a "City of Culture"?

My bet is that they'll spend yet another fortune restoring the place to the way it was before they fucked it up in the first place.  And the traders will have to pay twice, once to fuck it up and once again to unfuck it up.

If you really want to screw things up, just elect yourself a Council.

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Comments

Your local Councillor has the answer — 11 Comments

  1. They never put things back the way they were, only make them worse. They'll probably extend the pedestrianised bit and create a one way system around the edge of it.

    • They'll probably create a one way system where all the roads are one way into the centre and none lead out again.  A captive audience as it were?

  2. Levy's?  Rates?   Ratepayers?  Why not call them what they are…TAXES and taxpayers  Call them local councils or township supervisors, they're all shit for brains!

    • Of course it's all taxes.  Levies, excise, duty, tax, rates – they're all just means of fleecing us or OUR money.

  3. God be with the summer's evenings when I lived in Dublin and used to "pop down" to 'Don Leery' for a skinny dip in the 40ft. Then it was, park on Main Street outside the pub for four pints, ('cause I was driving), and back to the City to dump the motor and head into town for some serious boozing. 

    Four cars on the same stretch of road is a traffic jam as far as I'm concerned and having nowhere to park on the same as street I want to go to is a sign from the almighty to just fuck off home.

    • There are some experiences I am very glad I missed in my youth, and the sight of naked blokes freezing their nuts off in the Forty Foot is one of 'em. 

  4. GD, I’m surprised at you. I would have thought that you of all people knew that councillors have absolutely no power. All they can really do is raise motions and vote but like the rest of us, their vote means absolutely nothing because the majority in power will continue to hold sway the scales.  When the majority doesn’t win it’s because the independents and the weaker parties have done a deal that mutually benefits everyone so that they all eventually get what they want.  Look at the mayorship. That’s a classic example. Do you think that title is bestowed fairly? It’s all bullshit.  It’s given to those who stay between the lines and behave like a good little drone. So, if you’re looking for someone to blame, look at the county managers, the town clerk, the county engineer and the people who are greasing their palms.  It’s a fact and anyone who thinks councillors or for that matter anyone in government has any power is very mistaken.

    • Of course it's all bullshit, but the crowd in Rathdown Council seem to think they have the powers to levy taxes or rates or whatever you want to call them, so the end result is the same – the shopkeepers get screwed for something outside their control.  The shop owners should form their own association and let them decide what they want, and fuck the council.

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