Every year at around this time, Google publishes its top searches.
I suppose it's only fair that I do the same.
My top 20 seems to follow a sort of strange theme –
1. Haven't a clue. Google hides this one. Bastards.
2. head rambles. Down by 38% from last year. I'm losing popularity.
3. headrambles. Up 9% on last year. Are people just getting lazy and cutting out the space?
4. irish grandad. Up a whopping 185% on last year. What the fuck is going on here?
5. https://headrambles.com. Hah! People just typing the address in the wrong place? Twats.
6. grandad. That's more like it. Up 26% on last year.
7. shemales. What the fuck? Where did that come from? Up 365% on last year.
8. disgusting sex. What the fuck is disgusting sex? Not one search for it last year and it's in at #8?
9. senior citizen porn. The old reliable over the years. It used to be in the top 5 though.
10. filthy sex. Must be the same pervert as #8? Again, not one last year.
11. nude vagina. Hmmmm. again, a new one. There seems to be a pattern emerging?
12. second hand obesity. Down 41% on last year. People mustn't believe in it any more?
13. head rambles blog. Obviously less interesting than disgusting sex?
14. who drinks guinness. Up 1,200% on last year. Guinness should be paying me.
15. how to order a guinness in ireland. Guinness definitely should be paying me.
16. americans in ireland. Do they want to know if it's safe? Why not Brits in Ireland?
17. nude shemales. Fucking hell! Whoever you are, you can fuck off outa here.
18. how to drink guinness. HEY GUINNESS!! WHERE'S THAT CHEQUE?
19. shemale nude. Yech! I told you to fuck off, you slimy little pervert.
20. nude females. That's more like it, but not as popular as nude shemales? Weird.
So there you have it – my top 20 in all its glory.
So what can I deduce from this list? For a start, I seem to be running some kind of kinky sex farm? My typical reader seems to be slightly illiterate, heavily into weird sex and fond of a pint or two of stout [while not worrying about being overweight].
Do you recognise yourself?