I watched our Illustrious, Magnificent Great Leader make his televised speech last night.
That's ten minutes of my life I'll never get back.
I suppose the reason I watched was just to remind myself that he does in fact exist and isn't just a fig-leaf of my imagination. Normally we never hear from him or see him as he is too busy gallivanting around the globe or climbing up Angels Merkel's rectum.
But watching that speech I began to wonder, and the more I watched the more I wondered. Has Dame Enda been replaced by a robot?
All the signs are there. Look at the lack of movement. Listen to the dead emotionless monotonous tone of voice uttering all those predictable clichés. Look at those lifeless eyes. And reading between the lines, you'll realise that this isn't the representative of the Irish people speaking but rather a thinly veiled pat on the head from the EU.
I bet if you looked behind him you'd see the wires, and the little cogs that produce that slight swaying of the shoulders and the wobbling of the head. There would be little flashing lights embedded in the back of his skull and a couple of spare circuit boards on the floor, just in case. Of course the Troika would be there making final adjustments to the programme.
Just like Dame Enda… we're stuffed.