Going through the motions
Scientists have solved the world’s energy problems.
While their solution is a little intriguing I think I may see some problems.
You see, they have discovered that Giant Panda poo contains microbes that will somehow provide all our energy needs.
This does raise a few questions though.
First and foremost and a little beside the point, what the fuck were they doing examining shit? Are there really people who get so excited about wallowing around in turds? Did they decide that their lifetimes work lay in the study of excrement? Can you image the scenario on a first date when she asks him what he does for a living? I would love to be a fly on the wall for that bit. But then I suppose each of the scientists must have a permanent cloud of flies over their heads anyway.
Now why pick on the poor panda? The fucker is nearly extinct so is this really a covert attempt to get us to save the beast? If we removed the scientists’ white coats would we find a Giant Panda underneath? Why couldn’t they pick on an animal that is plentiful like cows or dogs or Chinese?
Another problem is that they would surely need vast quantities of panda shit to provide all our power needs? I’m not talking about a large turd here, I’m talking about billions of tons. We would need a couple of billion pandas to provide that lot and they would have to be fed a non-stop stream of bamboo shoots laced with Vindaloo curry, baked beans and Guinness. So we would effectively have to cull the entire Earth’s population of humans to make space for the pandas and their bamboo forests. Can anyone spot the paradox here?
And where the fuck do we get all these Giant Pandas from? Those animals are about as interested in procreation as Michelangelo’s Statue of David. You can fill ‘em full of alcohol and Rohypnol and play Mantovani at them all night but they still won’t shift
You think I’m making all of this up, don’t you?
You think I’m just writing this so I can use words like shit and poo?
To be honest, I would think I was making it all up too, but I read about it here.
What a load of crap.
I don't know why pandas aren't just left alone to die out. AFAIK they won't procreate on their own and all births recently have been as a result of artificial insemination. So, if the buggers are intent on committing mass suicide, let them.
It's called Natural Selection. They'll die out because they can't give a fuck?
Hah! They claim it's research but we know they're just going through the motions…
If you ask me, the whole thing stinks.
Grandad, dix points… BTW, just noticed the title. Arse-custard! Thought I was being original…
This is a topic which is wide open for innuendos and puns!
So if they know what microbes are doing this why aren't they replicating the damn microbes and making gasoline from corn stalks and grass clippings?
They seem to be under the impression that only Giant Pandas can produce these microbes. Maybe the microbes are as hard to reproduce as Giant Pandas?
I always thought that was all scientists did do was shit
At least this crowd are honest about it?
I'd rather have scientists studying shit, instead of politicians and news people spreading it all over us.
' Scientists at the University of Mississippi' What the fuck have these scientists been sniffing? Panda shit? I can just see it now, giant bamboo forests planted underneath the windmill farms with panda's mooching around trying to breed but as mentioned, can't be arsed. I really really need more beer………………..
"You can fill ‘em full of alcohol and Rohypnol and play Mantovani at them all night but they still won’t shift"
Effing hilarious!!! I know a farmer or two that examine cow shit to check for digestion of the grains. And, I have, admittedly, checked horse manure for worms. Horse shit isn't that bad, though. It's like mushy grass clippings. 🙂
Heh, you were riding high indeed when you wrote this post. Absolutely hilarious! Whatever you were smoking when you wrote this, could you send me some?
Did I check that damn check box?