And it came to pass that The Prophet Gore spoke to the sheeple.
“Lo” he cried. “I bring unto you bad news. The world is heading for Armageddon for we have sinned and created the Breath of Satan called Carbon Dioxide. The world will heat up and the glaciers will melt. The cities will be drowned in the sea like Sodom and Gomorrah. The lands shall turn to desert and grapes shall flourish in Siberia.”
And the sheeple fell silent, for they loved their cars and travelling in aeroplanes and they now knew they had sinned.
Gore bagat the IPCC and declared that they are the true Messiah.
“Those that believe in me shall buy my alternative energy products. Join my Church of Global Warming and you will be saved. Just believe in the IPCC and thou shall siteth at my right hand when the ice caps melt.”
And the sheeple cried with one voice.
“Alleluia!” they cried. “For you speaketh the truth.”
And the sheeple went about buying windmills that didn’t work and electric cars that ran flat after twenty miles, but they read of the impending doom in the tabloids and they still believed.
And the years passed but the world stopped getting warmer. The sheeple became restless.
“Where is Armageddon?” they asked. “For we have paid our Carbon Taxes and we have endowed our tithes to the IPCC.”
And the IPPC replied “It matters not whether the temperature rises or not, for we now call it Climate Change, and thou shalt continue to pay your tithes.”
And the sheeple went off and built more windmills. And when they had filled their land with windmills they started building windmills on their neighbours’ lands.
And the years passed and the predictions made in the tabloids failed to come to pass. Tuvalu remained undrowned, and the polar bears did increase in numbers. The winters did become harsh and the temperatures did start to fall.
The sheeple once more became restless and did cry out – “Oh Great IPCC, the temperatures are falling and far from being snow free, we are up to our necks in the fucking stuff every winter. The ice caps are growing and we fear that all our windmills will freeze over.”
“Fuck!” said the IPCC. “Hold on. Give us a minute.”
And the minute did pass and the IPCC did speak.
“We are the Church of Global Cooling!” they declared. “And you shall continue to honour and adore us and pay us your tithes, for the Carbon Dioxide is cutting off the suns rays and we must build more windmills.”
And the sheeple read the tabloids [that always speaketh the truth] and they believed.
And the coffers of the IPCC did continue to fill and the IPCC was pleased.